unedited for 100 days. Day 40

I taught three classes today. As a group fitness and yoga instructor, I have the privilege of witnessing the achievement of goals and the powerful benefits on mind and body from a single hour spent working out.  You'd think the students would be the primary beneficiaries of our time spent together. I beg to differ. What I think people may not realize is the impact they have on me. I am so inspired by the people that come to my classes. Whether it's a brand new face or someone who routinely comes every week, each person leaves a mark on my day. I often wonder what's happening on a personal level in each persons life. Sometimes we connect and share before or after class, but often times it's the casual swap of friendly hellos and high fives. Occasionally the conversation goes deeper and I always trust that it's meant to be. It humbles me that people are interested in my life. They way they might ask about my daughter, my weekend or any other relevant well known topic, reminding me how important it is to be available to these relationships. In our own way, we have a friendship. I have to remind myself that it is okay that we aren't spending time together outside of class, and that doesn't make the relationship any less meaningful. It's possible that we underestimate these kinds of connections. Simply being recognized, called by name and shown a kindness on a small but recurring basis is highly valuable. I'm reminded of my favorite clerk at my local market (you know I'm talking about PCC right?) and he once teared up telling my husband that he was afraid to tell me his news of leaving the store. He knew that our almost daily chats were valuable to me and that I would indeed be sad to see him go. We ended up having a proper goodbye on his last night, closing in a hug and a 'thank you'. I think it's important that we don't underestimate the impact we have on one another. To my yoga and group fitness class attendees, you often make my day and I thank you for it!

unedited for 100 days. Day 39

I recently made a vision board at a weekend work retreat. I've had it out on the counter in my bathroom which has turned out to be a great place for it. As I spend time brushing my teeth, flossing, slapping on some makeup in a very uneducated manor (bronzer goes where?), I read the inspiring reminders that decorate my little board. "I have an abundance of love to give and receive", "Create something everyday" and "Wake up grateful". I have always felt a sense of deep gratitude for my life. I remember when I was first learning of other possible birth countries in my young adolescence, acknowledging that I was extremely fortunate to have been born in the United States, where girls had access to the same education as boys and where I was free to believe in whatever god I wanted to. Today I tend to rely on gratitude as a grounding method. During times when my inner peace has been shaken by someone or something, I often refer back to gratitude in attempt to get back to a place where I can breathe deep and settle down. I'm learning though, that it doesn't always work. I think we can all agree that everyone experiences suffering. Suffering does not discriminate and there is no amount of success or happiness that will protect you from it. In acknowledging this, I ponder if statements like "Wake up grateful" put too much pressure on us. It's a common response we offer to one another in conversation as well. If someone opens up about something that's troubling them, they might expect to hear advice to remember that 'it could be worse' or 'at least you still have x, y, z'. Is it not okay for us all to feel sad, or mad, or feel stuck in a season of loss? Sure it's lovely to acknowledge each day some of the things that we are thankful for. But I also believe that it's just as important to give ourselves and one another the space and grace to be mad, sad, scared, confused, lost, anxious, regretful, angry and everything in between. In my recent opinion, the cute and innocent reminders 'to love fearlessly', 'spread joy' and 'be grateful everyday' might require too much of us. Because sometimes it just feels right to yell out an F-bomb or simply say "This sucks". Perhaps I will add a few four letter words to my vision board to remind myself to feel it all.

unedited for 100 days. Day 38

I'm tired of the phrase 'Everything in moderation'. Admittedly I've said it a lot myself, but I've decided to put it bed. It's on the same level as the classic and overused phrase, 'It's all about balance'. Talking like this makes it seem as though every decision is quantified to equal an exact balance at the end of the day. Like 5 celery sticks equals one cookie. Or one glass of water equals one glass of wine. And what is moderation? It's all subjective and a waste of talk. I think statements like this are used with the intention to liberate our decisions, or grant us permission to 'have a treat' or enjoy 'just one more glass of wine'. Instead this attitude implies that those choices are wrong choices, which is where I fundamentally disagree. Today, when I eat a piece of cake I'm not thinking that it's a bad choice. I literally just think it tastes good and it makes me happy that I can enjoy it without thinking about a transaction of right and wrongs. I wont say that I've always had this freedom around food, because I remember the opposite feeling well. It could have been a simple bowl of M&M's at a friends house and I remember being preoccupied by their presence, bouncing back and forth with the decision to have some or not. I think the disturbance came more from the belief that I shouldn't have them, rather then really wanting some or not. I don't know how or what exactly clicked for me but I can say it wasn't by adopting the phrase "Everything in moderation!".  Perhaps it started about 7 years ago, when I met a woman who taught fengshui methods. While having dinner with her and a group of other yoga teachers, I noticed she took a moment before her first sip of wine, with her hand over the glass and her eyes closed. I was intrigued. I had to ask. She explained to me that she was simply acknowledging the wine and asking that it bless her body. With an attitude of enjoyment and delight, she enjoyed her wine without any worry or guilt. While I don't necessarily pray over my glass of wine at the table, I must say that I often think of her and the importance of acknowledging these pleasures in life as nothing more than simply a pleasure. It's not wrong. It's not bad. It's not a cheat. For me, healthy eating isn't about balance. It's about truly enjoying all of my food (and beverage) choices. If you don't know my story, it's important that you at least know that I struggled with an extra 15-20 pounds on my body at the peak of my personal training career. During that time I was lost in the checks and balances of health right and wrongs. I don't feel called to coach people on how or what to eat, but I am passionate about supporting people in discovering freedom within this very overwhelming health and fitness bubble. On some level, I'm sure we can all relate.

unedited for 100 days. Day 37

Boobs are so weird. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about my own. I've never been a cleavage girl but not because I think it's wrong. I think I'm just not a boob girl. I've just never thought of my boobs as a center piece. For me they are best when they are tucked in and out of the way. I feel best in a sports bra or a bra-lette (you know those lace bras that offer zero lift and no support). What I never realized though was the way they would change after having a baby. Breastfeeding seemingly melted my boobs to a permanent weary state. I've pondered the thought of doctoring them up. With the help of some good old silicone, I could get a little perk back. I've got plenty of family members and friends with some falsies and I think they look great! After all, the female form is lovely and I see no wrong in embracing your form the way it is or enhancing it in any way you like. I equate it to tattoos. It's my body and I will use it, love it and express it in whatever way I please! I especially love the way surgeons have made it possible for many women to recreate their feminine form after life saving surgeries. We live in amazing times. Still, I don't know if a boob job is for me. I recall listening to a european girlfriend of mine, as she described the liberty and normalcy of the topless culture back home (at the beach of course). She explained that boobs just aren't a big deal. Men back home are used to seeing boobs of all kinds. Droopy boobs aren't something to hide. How nice does that sound? Lounging on the beach with a marg, letting your girls lay off to the side in all of their natural glory with zero shame. The only time I ever went topless on a public beach was in Costa Rica, where it is socially acceptable yet still somewhat of a head turning choice. It was the best feeling! I won't say that I was completely confident- but I enjoyed the freedom. What I do know is that if I ever go on the docs table, I will be one hundred percent certain that I was doing it for no one but myself. And if I decide to leave them be, it may be because I found my way to a beach in Europe where I saw hundreds of tatas just like mine. Ladies, let's support one another. Getting or not getting a boob job does not define us. Our boobs do not define us. Guys, let your lady know you think her boobs are perfect. Cheers to you and all the weird and awesome boobs in your life!

unedited for 100 days. Day 36

Is it just me or are there some major transitional vibes all over the place right now? Of course the season change has an impact on our bodies and energy levels. This past week in Seattle we experienced very rare seventy degree temperatures in late March, inspiring an uproar of sleeveless park goers and fair weather runners (yours truly included). Vitamin D coming from it's truest source is just about as good as a glass of bubbles. We Seattle dwellers especially appreciate the buzz, refusing to waste a single free minute inside- even pumping gas becomes a sacred past time as long as we have a sun ray on our face. Still, aside from all of the sunshine activity, it feels as though there is a movement of personal growth inspiring us all, along with a trend of reprioritizing. As a yoga instructor, I have the privilege of hearing personal stories before and after class. It never ceases to amaze me how much variety we can fit into one room. Even with all the different stories, there often seems to be a theme that connects us. Lately, I'm picking up on a theme of change. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the new moon or maybe it's the buzz of the 2020 election. I'm not sure it matters. But what does prove to be significant is the way we connect with one another through the one constant that we all know. Change is a gift. It's a quiet reminder that none of this is forever. And it's a gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) nudge to check in on our priorities- because maybe instead of wishing things were better, we can make them better. Cheers to us for not just rolling with it, but instead steering the wheel ourselves- rolling to where we want to go.

unedited for 100 days. Day 35

I had a quick little side chat with a friend of mine after our workout today. We both had been late to class, which starts with 30 minutes on the bike followed by 30 minutes of strength training. After we both had dropped the kids off in the daycare room, we were at least 10 minutes late to join the workout. There were no bikes left because the class was waitlisted, so she ran on the treadmill and I geeked out on the assault bike (you can probably look it up if your curious what this is) in the back of the room. As little as I could participate in the spin program the instructor was offering, I felt energized by the women around me. For me, just being a part of the room was all I needed today. After all, I did manage to jog the baby and dog to and from class which had little to do with wanting the cardio workout and more to do with soaking up as much sun as possible on our first seventy degree day of the year.  So after my very mediocre performance of a workout, I chatted with my tardy workout buddy as we related on the simple victory of participation. We high-fived one another in complete understanding and support. Showing up was our win, and we would go on with the day feeling like winners. We din't think twice of the 10 minutes we lost in the beginning of class, but we celebrated the fifty minutes we had, calling it our bonus workout. It was a reminder to me of what it means to live in the attitude of abundance.

unedited for 100 days. Day 34

We are days away from feeling 70 degree weather on our face; through our car windows, strolling on lunch break or maybe out at a park with the dogs and kids. Seattle is about to burst at the seams with pasty white legs and desperate beach loungers this coming Monday and Tuesday. We are shameless when it comes to our first glimpse of warmer weather. I live in Kirkland which is a miniature and much colder version of a soCal beach town. Everyone on the eastside comes to Kirkland on sunny days and the people watching is good enough to satisfy my need. Boaters, awkward teenagers, babies, dogs and squads of all kinds. I've mentioned my beach cruiser before, and this forecast has me curious if I can get our trailer hooked up to it in time for a cruise with the baby girl next week. Like I said, we get really excited about those first warm days and we aren't shy about it. The lemonade shop will be packed, gelato will sell out and Lake Washington Boulevard will look like I-5 just because people want to cruise the strip with their choice of summer jams on. It's all fun and geeky, and it's a reminder to not sweat the small stuff. It's a reminder to take time to enjoy life because we all know in this corner of the world, our sunny days are numbered.