unedited for 100 days. Day 38

I'm tired of the phrase 'Everything in moderation'. Admittedly I've said it a lot myself, but I've decided to put it bed. It's on the same level as the classic and overused phrase, 'It's all about balance'. Talking like this makes it seem as though every decision is quantified to equal an exact balance at the end of the day. Like 5 celery sticks equals one cookie. Or one glass of water equals one glass of wine. And what is moderation? It's all subjective and a waste of talk. I think statements like this are used with the intention to liberate our decisions, or grant us permission to 'have a treat' or enjoy 'just one more glass of wine'. Instead this attitude implies that those choices are wrong choices, which is where I fundamentally disagree. Today, when I eat a piece of cake I'm not thinking that it's a bad choice. I literally just think it tastes good and it makes me happy that I can enjoy it without thinking about a transaction of right and wrongs. I wont say that I've always had this freedom around food, because I remember the opposite feeling well. It could have been a simple bowl of M&M's at a friends house and I remember being preoccupied by their presence, bouncing back and forth with the decision to have some or not. I think the disturbance came more from the belief that I shouldn't have them, rather then really wanting some or not. I don't know how or what exactly clicked for me but I can say it wasn't by adopting the phrase "Everything in moderation!".  Perhaps it started about 7 years ago, when I met a woman who taught fengshui methods. While having dinner with her and a group of other yoga teachers, I noticed she took a moment before her first sip of wine, with her hand over the glass and her eyes closed. I was intrigued. I had to ask. She explained to me that she was simply acknowledging the wine and asking that it bless her body. With an attitude of enjoyment and delight, she enjoyed her wine without any worry or guilt. While I don't necessarily pray over my glass of wine at the table, I must say that I often think of her and the importance of acknowledging these pleasures in life as nothing more than simply a pleasure. It's not wrong. It's not bad. It's not a cheat. For me, healthy eating isn't about balance. It's about truly enjoying all of my food (and beverage) choices. If you don't know my story, it's important that you at least know that I struggled with an extra 15-20 pounds on my body at the peak of my personal training career. During that time I was lost in the checks and balances of health right and wrongs. I don't feel called to coach people on how or what to eat, but I am passionate about supporting people in discovering freedom within this very overwhelming health and fitness bubble. On some level, I'm sure we can all relate.

unedited for 100 days. Day 37

Boobs are so weird. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about my own. I've never been a cleavage girl but not because I think it's wrong. I think I'm just not a boob girl. I've just never thought of my boobs as a center piece. For me they are best when they are tucked in and out of the way. I feel best in a sports bra or a bra-lette (you know those lace bras that offer zero lift and no support). What I never realized though was the way they would change after having a baby. Breastfeeding seemingly melted my boobs to a permanent weary state. I've pondered the thought of doctoring them up. With the help of some good old silicone, I could get a little perk back. I've got plenty of family members and friends with some falsies and I think they look great! After all, the female form is lovely and I see no wrong in embracing your form the way it is or enhancing it in any way you like. I equate it to tattoos. It's my body and I will use it, love it and express it in whatever way I please! I especially love the way surgeons have made it possible for many women to recreate their feminine form after life saving surgeries. We live in amazing times. Still, I don't know if a boob job is for me. I recall listening to a european girlfriend of mine, as she described the liberty and normalcy of the topless culture back home (at the beach of course). She explained that boobs just aren't a big deal. Men back home are used to seeing boobs of all kinds. Droopy boobs aren't something to hide. How nice does that sound? Lounging on the beach with a marg, letting your girls lay off to the side in all of their natural glory with zero shame. The only time I ever went topless on a public beach was in Costa Rica, where it is socially acceptable yet still somewhat of a head turning choice. It was the best feeling! I won't say that I was completely confident- but I enjoyed the freedom. What I do know is that if I ever go on the docs table, I will be one hundred percent certain that I was doing it for no one but myself. And if I decide to leave them be, it may be because I found my way to a beach in Europe where I saw hundreds of tatas just like mine. Ladies, let's support one another. Getting or not getting a boob job does not define us. Our boobs do not define us. Guys, let your lady know you think her boobs are perfect. Cheers to you and all the weird and awesome boobs in your life!

unedited for 100 days. Day 36

Is it just me or are there some major transitional vibes all over the place right now? Of course the season change has an impact on our bodies and energy levels. This past week in Seattle we experienced very rare seventy degree temperatures in late March, inspiring an uproar of sleeveless park goers and fair weather runners (yours truly included). Vitamin D coming from it's truest source is just about as good as a glass of bubbles. We Seattle dwellers especially appreciate the buzz, refusing to waste a single free minute inside- even pumping gas becomes a sacred past time as long as we have a sun ray on our face. Still, aside from all of the sunshine activity, it feels as though there is a movement of personal growth inspiring us all, along with a trend of reprioritizing. As a yoga instructor, I have the privilege of hearing personal stories before and after class. It never ceases to amaze me how much variety we can fit into one room. Even with all the different stories, there often seems to be a theme that connects us. Lately, I'm picking up on a theme of change. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the new moon or maybe it's the buzz of the 2020 election. I'm not sure it matters. But what does prove to be significant is the way we connect with one another through the one constant that we all know. Change is a gift. It's a quiet reminder that none of this is forever. And it's a gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) nudge to check in on our priorities- because maybe instead of wishing things were better, we can make them better. Cheers to us for not just rolling with it, but instead steering the wheel ourselves- rolling to where we want to go.

unedited for 100 days. Day 35

I had a quick little side chat with a friend of mine after our workout today. We both had been late to class, which starts with 30 minutes on the bike followed by 30 minutes of strength training. After we both had dropped the kids off in the daycare room, we were at least 10 minutes late to join the workout. There were no bikes left because the class was waitlisted, so she ran on the treadmill and I geeked out on the assault bike (you can probably look it up if your curious what this is) in the back of the room. As little as I could participate in the spin program the instructor was offering, I felt energized by the women around me. For me, just being a part of the room was all I needed today. After all, I did manage to jog the baby and dog to and from class which had little to do with wanting the cardio workout and more to do with soaking up as much sun as possible on our first seventy degree day of the year.  So after my very mediocre performance of a workout, I chatted with my tardy workout buddy as we related on the simple victory of participation. We high-fived one another in complete understanding and support. Showing up was our win, and we would go on with the day feeling like winners. We din't think twice of the 10 minutes we lost in the beginning of class, but we celebrated the fifty minutes we had, calling it our bonus workout. It was a reminder to me of what it means to live in the attitude of abundance.

unedited for 100 days. Day 34

We are days away from feeling 70 degree weather on our face; through our car windows, strolling on lunch break or maybe out at a park with the dogs and kids. Seattle is about to burst at the seams with pasty white legs and desperate beach loungers this coming Monday and Tuesday. We are shameless when it comes to our first glimpse of warmer weather. I live in Kirkland which is a miniature and much colder version of a soCal beach town. Everyone on the eastside comes to Kirkland on sunny days and the people watching is good enough to satisfy my need. Boaters, awkward teenagers, babies, dogs and squads of all kinds. I've mentioned my beach cruiser before, and this forecast has me curious if I can get our trailer hooked up to it in time for a cruise with the baby girl next week. Like I said, we get really excited about those first warm days and we aren't shy about it. The lemonade shop will be packed, gelato will sell out and Lake Washington Boulevard will look like I-5 just because people want to cruise the strip with their choice of summer jams on. It's all fun and geeky, and it's a reminder to not sweat the small stuff. It's a reminder to take time to enjoy life because we all know in this corner of the world, our sunny days are numbered.

unedited for 100 days. Day 33

I'm closing in on 6 years at Fly Fitness and I feel like celebrating! I love Fly so much and will always be grateful for the platform it has been for me in serving my community and connecting with amazing people. It is a happy place and a place where you can show up on your worst or best day, and feel welcomed. Somehow we have the nicest members- people who I truly feel honored to be around. I love the way we are a community. Not just people working out together, but people who support one another and cheer one another on in and outside of the gym. We get to know one another's kids and stories on a level that feels genuine and real. I can't say enough about our team of instructors- every one of them unique, strong, fun and talented. For me, Fly Fitness is a place that inspires. Not just in the workout but in the way people are living their lives, connecting to one another and the community around them. I'm working on building my yoga classes back to where they were before my maternity leave. My vision is to get back to 20 people in class. Not for any reason other than that buzz of friendships and connection that happens before and after class. Yoga is never about numbers for me, but Fly Fitness is a place of community and I want our community to grow. I'm throwing it out there universe!

unedited for 100 days. Day 32

Traffic might be one of the few things that pulls me out of my grounded nature to a state of fury. It might be the feeling of entrapment, or maybe it's just the fact that my time is being taken from me. It is straight up robbery and I have no tolerance for that. I'm fortunate enough to not have a far commute to my regular work place, in fact in the summer I opt for my turquoise green beach cruiser instead of my car. Occasionally though, I am reunited with the reality of Seattle's endless rush hour. It is beyond me how some have found the ability to cope day in and day out with it. It is also beyond me that when people are in cars, they somehow have forgotten all basic laws of humanity and kindness. When you hop on the freeway, you can basically double down on the likelihood of getting cut off, flipped the bird, honked at and completely ignored (like when you have your blinker on and the person behind you in the next lane over literally avoids eye contact inching behind the car in front of them so that you couldn't possible jerk your way over even if you wanted to, and as they pass you- you can't help but notice they look like a completely reasonable and nice human. huh?). Would you behave this way if you didn't have four thousand pounds of metal protecting you? Like in a grocery line would you awkwardly hover a pinky distance behind the person in front of you in line, just to make sure no one could cut in front of you? Well maybe some would, but that's creepy bro. I just can't stand it. Sadly, I actually love driving. I pride myself in being a great driver, cautiously aggressive when necessary and always aware of every single car on the road. Driving on a Sunday when I'm not in a rush is a great past time for me. But traffic is a hard no. And have you ever thought about road karma? I could get cut off by one hundred jerk drivers, but it won't stop me from letting someone in my lane. The jerks might make me furious but I won't let them win. It just feels good to be the nice one on the road, doing my part in making the world a better place, one blinker at at time. 

unedited for 100 days. Day 31

I think it's important to adjust our standards from time to time. Of course not when it comes to our values but rather, our expectations on ourselves and our workout routine. As a personal trainer, I get a lot of questions from friends, family and clients alike concerned with how much we should be doing cardio or how often we should be doing strength training. While there may be recommendations around improving heart health and preventing osteoporosis, I find it draining and impossible to abide by those standards longterm without fail. It's important to me that I live in an attitude of success, not failure. If I were to put a standard on my life that suggested 5-6 days of working out per week, I am not shy to admit that I would be missing the mark most weeks. Instead I like to look at the week ahead, taking all of the appointments and variable events that impact my schedule to mind, and ask "what does success look like this week?". When it comes to working out, I believe that we all benefit greater mental and physical health, when we prioritize balance and well being. Some might say that their workouts are non-negotiable. I wont say that's wrong, but I would challenge them to consider if their non-negotiable workouts are putting any other aspect of their life out of balance. For example, research now tells us that a proper nights sleep has a greater impact on our waist lines than working out- so if you are waking up extra early to squeeze in that cardio session for weight loss reasons, many health professionals would advise instead to stay in bed. Finally, some good advice coming from the health world! Working out is not and should never ever ever feel like a punishment. Working out is a privilege and a celebration! It is a celebration of vitality. So instead of feeling bombarded by suggestions made by someone other than yourself, make up your own rules and feel like a damn boss about it!

unedited for 100 days. Day 30

Spring forward and onward! We all set our clocks forward in the middle of the night last night. Rather, Siri did it for us, but the feeling is the same. Waking up slightly confused and out of sorts. As the day goes on, it feels a little off but when the six o'clock hour hits and it's still light outside, it feels fantastic. In a way, it's as if we officially turned the page from winter to spring (even though we still need our puffy's a little while longer). Spring time is not about warmer weather, but instead it's about light, color and fresh blooms. For me, spring time is a more appropriate time to re-connect with goals, values and future plans- even more so than New Years. New Years is more like a deep breath after the holidays, but it lands in the middle of winter when we still have quite a stretch of cold weather ahead of us. The transition into spring time feels like an opportunity to clean out our closets, book a vacation, order a cute new pair of sandals and get back into our favorite fitness classes. I cannot wait to box up my sweaters and start wearing peep toe booties!

unedited for 100 days. Day 29

I don't know anyone that doesn't like to hear the words "you're doing a great job". It's such a simple yet profound affirmation that we don't hear often enough. Perhaps we hear it in times of greater success or maybe during the more challenging times, but not often enough on the average days that are yet just as significant as any other day.

I grew up playing sports and I thrived on verbal affirmation from my coaches. When they told me I did a good job, I could go to sleep happy at night. I miss that about sports. Having a coach that watches you practice, watches you perform and tells you (hopefully most of the time) that you are doing a great job. Today, my life is not spent on the tennis or volleyball court, but there are plenty of moments when I could use a coach in the corner offering a high five and a "great job Jame!". On any average day, I might win one hundred miniature battles that go unnoticed. I equate it to dusting. No one will notice if you dusted your lamps, but they might notice if you didn't. Sometimes the boring days are the most successful days. Maybe I didn't do anything today that was worthy of an audience in the bleachers, but looking back at it all, including the smallest details- I can say that I did a great job. Say it to yourself every now and then. Tell the people around you as often as possible. We are all doing our best with what we have, and we are doing a great job. 

unedited for 100 days. Day 28

We are raising our baby girl to be bi-lingual. She just turned a year, and to this day, her dad speaks only spanish to her and I speak english. I'm always fascinated to watch her respond to both of us, in awe of her ability to take it all in. I am hopeful that she will absorb enough spanish from her dad that she will be confident in applying herself to learning it in her older years. Confidence is such a critical factor in learning. When we learn something new, we simultaneously accept the possibility of making mistakes. It is a vulnerable state, but always rewarding. Almost ten years ago, I moved to southern Chile for six months speaking and understand little to no spanish. The first day in my cabin on the island of Chiloe, I realized that I needed to build a fire to heat the place. I remember moving my hands around like a primal monkey to the landlord asking for wood to make fire- that's what little spanish I knew at the time. In fact, it took a solid three months to build enough confidence to start speaking and engaging verbally with the locals. Once I broke the seal and embraced the many grammatical errors I would make, my new chilean friends started to comment how much I had improved. I always wish that I had found that confidence in the beginning. I can only hope that my daughter learns this well before I ever did. That being vulnerable enough to learn is the strongest you will ever feel.

unedited for 100 days. Day 27

It troubles me that we have been bombarded with the notion that we need to find our purpose in life. I get why it's appealing. At the end of it all, it would be a nice way to bring our personal fulfillment to a nice and neat finish, like the last line in romance novel. Today I was on a run, and yes I am a fair weather runner and not ashamed to admit it. I passed by other happy faces, exchanging a mutual glance between one another that read "Isn't Seattle the best?". We locals are geeky about the sunshine like that. It's instant Mr. Rogers mode- just chatting it up with all our neighbors. On this run, I began thinking how important it is to acknowledge one another in the world. It's possible that we are too busy trying to figure out what this mysterious and all powerful purpose is, that we are missing out on the smallest moments that are just as meaningful. From sunrise to sundown, there is purpose to be found in every moment; feeling joy, feeling sadness, empathizing, learning, creating, dreaming, sharing, caring and simply acknowledging one another. I don't believe my life has one singular purpose, but I do believe that I can make every moment of my life meaningful.

unedited for 100 days. Day 26

I feel the urge coming. It happens about three times a year, and is honestly one of my favorite feelings. The closet purge! I'm not a big shopper actually and it always surprises me how I can find things to get rid of every 4 months. It also humors me that the same pieces of questionable clothing can survive two to three purges in a row. But by the third purge, all it takes is that one moment of truth and that thing is history. Goodbye pilly sweater! As much as I am fond of your cozy oversized turtle neck, I find myself wanting to wear my other sweater that doesn't look like it barely survived a cat fight. And goodbye print wrap dress. As much as I tried, I just am not a print gal. I like solids and I'm sticking to it! It's taken years on years, but I think I have finally figured out my style. Anything black. Some neutrals. Classic sweaters and jackets. An occasional body suit. And a reliable set of shoes that don't hurt my feet. They say that if you can have some what of a 'uniform' you can save a lot of time and energy by not taking 20 minutes to get dressed for the day. I like to keep my closet stocked of clothes that I feel good and happy in. Tomorrow, I'm going to have an extra cup of coffee and say goodbye to anything that falls outside of those parameters. I especially need to get after my yoga pants drawer- if they ain't cute no more, they out!

unedited for 100 days. Day 25

We often listen to the French Cafe Radio station on Pandora. It has that chill euro vibe, which I'm not ashamed to borrowing from time to time. Deep down in this little suburbia heart of mine, I feel I belong to the cobble streets of Paris. While Kirkland, WA is certainly not Paris, the local coffee shop makes a good cappuccino which is good enough for now. Along with the local wine shop which we frequent with our baby and dog. Today we enjoyed some bubbles at our regular hangout after a long walk in the nearly spring-like air. The good vibes continued once we returned home, accompanied by French Cafe Radio as we started to prepare dinner. This station rarely branches out to anything beyond French, which is largely why I love it. Not to mention, we have put hundreds of hours into this station and typically hear the same songs cycle through like a stream of hulu commercials on repeat during a single show. Sure, it could have been the light champagne buzz, but it equally could have been a sweet visit from my late grandpa. Frank Sinatra began singing through the speakers. I'll be seeing you" he sings, and I immediately get a rush of goosebumps. Grandpa loved this song and it is one he recited frequently. In this particular moment, I was feeling especially grateful while watching my one year old daughter make a mess of the kitchen cupboards and my husband butchering the chicken for dinner. It was as if Grandpa was saying "I see you happy my dear, and your family is beautiful". Papa never met my husband or daughter, but I have a sense that he is a part of our love.

unedited for 100 days. Day 24

We are living in apartment right now while our house is undergoing a mix of water damage remediation and some updating. Our unit is on the northeast corner of the building, looking out at two neighboring condo and apartment buildings. Once it gets dark, the glow of the tv's start to illuminate the windows around me, giving a sense that the day is winding down and that my neighbors are all home from work or wherever they go during the day. Not in a creepy way, but I have started to build stories about each neighbor based on what they watch and whatever habits I might observe in this little fishbowl of multi-family dwelling units that I'm living in. In a way, it brings a sense of unity like we are all in this together. Doing our thing during the day, just to return home and enjoy a couple hours of indulgence on the couch. It's true though. We are all in this together. I wish we remembered that more. We are all on this planet at the same time, sharing the same moment in history that is like no other. Though it's a shame that we don't have more summer nights. Instead of being inside on our couches, we join humanity outside- strolling, licking ice cream cones and watching sunsets. I love you cozy nights on the couch, but it's quite possible you are keeping us all from getting to know one another.

unedited for 100 days. Day 23

My husband does a lot of cute things and I would be willing to guess that his love language is, acts of kindness. I never read the book, The Five Love Languages, but everyone refers to it often enough that I feel like I understand the basic concept. I can equally guess that my love language is words of affirmation. Is that even one of them? I don't know, if it's not it should be. I do know however that acts of kindness is one of them and that is one hundred percent my husband. I'm sure he knows that he has created somewhat of  monster. I'd rather ask him for glass of water than get my own because he will choose the perfect glass, slice some lemon wedges and garnish it with fresh mint. My version of a glass of water is just that. A glass with water in it. He loves the details though- and he loves for things to feel special. When I was pregnant he would flavor my sparking water with bitters and serve it in a wine glass, taking the time to make sure that my refill was ready before my glass was close to empty. It goes beyond beverages and food. Just last night I commented that my feet were cold. He could have just thrown me a pair of socks from the drawer that he was standing next to, but instead he took the time blow hot air into each sock before he perfectly placed them on my feet. I laughed out loud as I thought to myself, he knows how to live. If you are going to do it, do it right! He constantly reminds me, just by being him, that I could return the favor more often. I learned years ago that he loves it when I roll the toothpaste tube so that it's always full towards the opening. Love doesn't need to be a grand gesture every time. These kinds of daily details and efforts can change the way you feel about yourself and your loved ones. I like knowing that when he sees that tube of toothpaste perfectly pressed, he feels loved and he knows that although I could care less about it, I did it for him. If you want an inspirational song on the topic, listen to "Little Things" by India Arie. Happy Friday!