unedited for 100 days. Day 8

There was a funny little ritual I had as a kid. I can't say that I know exactly when I started doing this, but I had to be tall enough to climb up onto the bathroom counter on my own. I would sit on the counter with my feet in the sink, soaking them in hot water until they were bright red in color. Once the water cooled, I would drain the water and fill it up again with a fresh batch. I could have sat there for an hour and probably did a few times. I remember wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my cheek against my knee, staring at my reflection in the mirror thinking nothing important. I remember being young enough, that I was able to look into the mirror without judgment. Quite the opposite actually. I remember studying my face and just being fascinated. Wondering what eye balls were made out of. Studying the hairs that made up my eyebrows and the gaps between my teeth. It was such an innocent and non judgmental experience. 30 something years later and I think it's time I go soak my feet in the sink and get reacquainted with the fascination of having a human face again.

unedited for 100 days. Day 7

If you are a Seattle local, you probably know about what they call the 'Seattle freeze'. It has nothing to do with the weather. In fact, Seattle's weather isn't that bad at all. It's relatively mild compared to what happens in other parts of our country. Take a look at the temp in Chicago right now. Someone was telling me today that they are advising dog owners to keep their pets inside because within minutes they could get frost bite on their paws. I don't know about your dog but mine would not know what the hell to do with a pee pad on the floor. I'm praying for it to warm up for the sweet doggies who need to go outside. Rather, the Seattle freeze is describing our reputation as non-hospitable, anti-social and hermit human beings who are difficult to get to know and slow to help others. I grew up here so I guess that explains my distaste for small talk. But nothing justifies being too busy to offer a helping hand.

The other day I was a human display of one hundred percent shit show in the parking lot- I had my baby in my arms, my dog on a leash, five grocery bags, a purse and a stroller that fell over- spilling out random baby items onto the ground. At least 5 people crept by, avoiding eye contact or any form of acknowledgment (frozen turds). I got myself together and decided I was going to help the next person I saw who looked like they needed an extra set of hands. A second later I saw an old man, taking the tiniest steps out of the store, looking confused and very unstable with his grocery bags in hand. I was about to make my move- but the guy who works at the grocery store beat me to it. Be on the good team. Let's uplevel Seattle. It's too pretty here to be an asshole.

unedited for 100 days. Day 6

There are a few cultural losses (well let's be real, way more than a few- but I only have 10 minutes) that I would like to bring back. All of these cute little things we used to do have been lost because of the cell phone.
The first one that comes to mind is the act of physically getting out of your car to knock on the door and let your friend know you are there to pick them up. Even better, bring an umbrella if it's raining. I'm actually calling myself out. Just last week I picked up a girlfriend to go out to dinner and I totally sat in my car like a lazy little nerd while I texted her that I had arrived. Next time I'm getting my ass out of the car like a proper human being.
Next, I'd like to bring back the art of standing in line. I see three viable options while in this situation; A) look around B) talk to someone nearby or C) daydream. Why oh why have we become so uncomfortable in these moments. The message we send to one another when we pull our cell phone out while standing in line is this: 'I have more important things to do with my time than be standing in this lame line with you'. I vow to keep my phone in my pocket while standing in line- unless it is to double check my grocery list, or check for emergency phone calls, or instagram notifications, or the weather.... ONLY kidding. No mobile phone in line. Done.
Lastly, I would like to bring back the actual real life birthday card, in the mail! Again, calling myself out. I've always been terrible at planning ahead when it comes to USPS. By the time I think to send the card, I realize it wont make it in time and instead justify my shortcomings with a long text and some very exciting emojis (heart, party hat, balloon, salsa dancer... kiss kiss kiss). If I spend some time writing down all the important birthdays in my planner, I might be able to pull this off. Friends be patient with me.
Anyone want to join me?

unedited for 100 days. Day 5

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. I do believe this. It's so easy to get caught up in the 'what should I do?' or 'what should I say' or 'when should I call'. I think we underestimate the power of just being in a room with someone. Sharing space. Sharing a moment.

I was traveling around in Costa Rica and I found myself renting a beach house in Pavones,  (actually it was more of a hut than a house but it was steps from the beach and had everything I needed). The family that owned the house would come around every day, with their two kids, to check on the property and make sure I was okay. Many days we would end up swapping stories over a beer enjoying the chance to get to know one another. One day I had received an email from my family back home that my grandfather was in the hospital and close to passing on. Of course it was difficult being so far away. Papa seemed in good health when I left a couple months back and I was expecting to pick up with our lunch dates as soon as I returned. With little else to do, I shared this news with my new friends and walked towards the beach to sit on my favorite rickety bench so that I could let the tears fall. The husband came and asked if he could sit down. I said yes wiping my tears, preparing for conversation. But he never said a word. He simply sat next to me so that I didn't feel alone. We must have sat there for an hour in complete silence. I remember the sun had set and I thanked him. He knew that it wasn't words of wisdom that I needed, but instead just someone to sit next to. I will always be grateful to him for teaching me the power of such a simple gesture. 

unedited for 100 days. Day 4

Gimme that routine baby. I'm all about that right now! There are so many unknowns in each 24 which is why I'm finding some peace, actually most of my peace, in the little things these days. Perhaps a few years back I might have jumped in my car and gone hiking after work, or gone on a spontaneous and very therapeutic 3 hour walk with my dog, or maybe just vegging out all Saturday with my favorite show... ahhh those were some peaceful ass days. While those luxurious days of complete freedom may be gone (for now), I have been looking for other ways to bring a sense of peace and calm to my life. Things like that first cup of coffee in the morning. I want to be able to just push that beautiful button as soon as I get out of bed and know that the water tank is full, the beans are ready and my favorite mug is clean and ready to contain the most important beverage of the day. Which is obviously Bulletproof Coffee. You've tried it right? Game changed. I've been on it since 2014 and I still swoon. But back to topic, I think it's easy to let everything landslide when we are in a season of chaos. We let laundry pile up, we lose things, we get personally offended at things like dirty coffee machines or empty gas tanks... like "of course the tank is empty on the one day I need the car!"  I think it's important that at minimum, you give each day a fighting chance with the basics. It may take extra time at night to prep but it's always worth it. At least you can sip on that trusty joe while life throws yet another curve ball your way. It may not be a serene hike in the mountains, but it's your favorite mug damn it.

unedited for 100 days. Day 3

This time last year I was 2 days past due. I remember thinking that it was possible I would just remain pregnant the rest of my life and that I would have to answer to the curious strangers on the street forever, telling them "Yep, still pregnant. just 41 years over due. Thanks, yeah we are really soaking up these last days of just the two of us." I also remember simply daydreaming about what it would feel like to hold my daughter. To look into her eyes and be like "hey there, I'm mom".  It's crazy how quickly something becomes normal. The moment she was placed on my chest, it was like 'Of course she's here. How could she not be? Hey baby, I'm mom!' I didn't know that this time last year I still had about 10 days to go. It's strange how I can barely remember anything else about what I was thinking and how I was feeling in those final days. I was scrolling pictures back to a year ago and landed on a picture of me sitting on the floor of her nursery- not doing anything, just sitting in the room that was about to be my daughters room. I stared at that picture for a while and tried my best to remember what it felt like to be that girl. The girl waiting to meet her baby. And if I could 'ghost of christmas future'  myself into that moment I would tell her "Jam, You are about to become a bad ass" and then I'd poof out of the room leaving her feeling very creeped out, but also with the the hope that whatever came her way, was going to make her better. That's how I feel now. My baby is almost a year and that makes me feel like a bad ass.

unedited for 100 days. Day 2

I do this funny thing and it's top of mind because lately I'm doing it more. It's kind of like this inside joke of mine, that literally makes me giggle out loud. It's actually not that funny, but I think what makes me laugh is that there is this moment in which I decide to do it. It's basically this, when I feel rushed by an external source-whether that source is a person or event of some kind, I detest the need to rush and decide that instead I'm going to move slower. Moving slow relaxes me and makes me feel in control. If I'm late, so be it. But you will not catch me running into the grocery store, fumbling my purse and baby like a hot mess because I'm late to an appointment. I think it's this twisted sense of pride I get for keeping my cool. I apologize to my friends, family and clients if my tardiness has ever given you the impression that I don't care, I do care about you a lot. I just care more to not get riled up physiologically over a couple minutes here and there. So that funny moment, when I am 5 minutes late to setting up the studio for yoga class and instead of picking up the pace from the parking lot to the front door, I slow it way down to my favored turtle pace- it's just me keeping that internal zen. Who wants a yoga instructor showing up to teach all sweaty and out of breath, huffing and puffing a bunch of cortisol into the room? Anyway, if you see me walking really slow, just know that I'm doing it completely on purpose and I'm probably late to get somewhere.

unedited for 100 days. Day 1

I was flossing tonight, which by the way I don't always do, because I have one of those permanent retainer bars on my lowers and it always seems like such a pain in the ass to get the threader out (if you have one, you know what I'm talking about), but anyways I was flossing slash reflecting on my day and thinking, I miss writing. I had a baby almost a year ago, and needless to say I have had other priorities. That's not an excuse, because I don't think I've even thought about writing in a while. But I love it. I love the way it feels to listen to the voice in my head and attempt at translating it onto paper, or a screen for this case. So, in that moment I decided that for one hundred days I would simply write for 10 minutes each day, and post it. I need to practice and I need to commit. There is a lot to be said for the accountability you get once something is published in cyber space. I expect that my posts will offer nothing more than my reflections day to day, which include but are not limited to; new mom life, wife life, yoga life, mid thirties life, family life, dog life, girlfriends life and probably some beverage life (girl likes her scotch- well really all alcohol I like.... I once heard a guy say on an episode of wife swap 'you can't trust someone that doesn't drink' and while I don't necessarily agree completely, that comment made me laugh). To get back to my point, I want to write. This is my attempt to get better at it. Wow, that was 10 minutes.  That's what it's going to be, completely random and unedited. I could go on and try to hook you, but I'll save that for tomorrow. ha.

Ps thanks for the support babe.