unedited for 100 days. Day 45

We recently were able to move back home, after a 7 month temporary stay in an apartment while our home underwent water damage remediation and remodeling. Just last Thursday we had our first night back in our home, and in a strange way we have settled back into our normal routines like nothing happened. In many other ways, like garage chaos and newly settled layers of dust to discover every day, I am reminded that we have a lot of integrating to do. It's no surprise either, that my husband and I became sick over the weekend. We called it the 'let down'. It's that feeling of falling into your own bed at the end of the day, finally able to give in to your tired feet and feel all the emotions of the day. In this case, it's not that our feet were tired, but instead our minds. The mental exhaustion of a remodel is real! As exciting as it all is, at minimum it is like taking on a part time job (that you don't get paid for). This week, I am reminded of the importance of giving in to the so-called 'let down'. There are times when we have no choice but to operate on adrenaline. Equally there are times when we seem to start and end each day in auto pilot. Perhaps the most important thing we can do from time to time, is give in and surrender to whatever is, fully experiencing our thoughts, emotions and our bodies. Whether times are good or bad. Easy or hard. Maybe it can't be defined at all. A time-out every now and then offers us space to observe where we are at, to gather information to help guide where we are going next. For me currently, I know I am thrilled to finally be home, but I'm also digesting, reflecting and mindlessly spacing out on my favorite couch with no agenda at all. There is plenty to do, but somehow it feels right to make time to do nothing at all.

unedited for 100 days. Day 44

The other day, a five year old attended my yoga class with her mother. They arrived one or two minutes after I had started the class so I was not able to meet the little girl beforehand. Without any hesitation, the mom laid down her daughters mat in the the front row, with her own mat in row two. I admit that at first, I was skeptical. How could such an adorable and young little girl hang in this class, for an entire sixty minutes. It didn't take long to realize she knew her way around a vinyasa. I found myself unable to keep a smile off of my face when I made eye contact with her. She was radiating joy throughout the whole class. She followed along as good as anyone, and every time she pressed up into her upward facing dog, she closed her eyes and took a long pause. I couldn't help but wonder if I have ever practiced with such freedom and confidence. After class I found out that she practices yoga at home with her mom and that she loves it. I complimented the mom for giving her daughter a space of her own. Not once did the mom lean in to correct her or guide her.  I know I speak for everyone else in class that day, that our sweet little kindergarden spring breaker reminded us to not take ourselves too seriously and to own the front row when/if we've landed there.

unedited for 100 days. Day 43

Meeting new girlfriends is challenging and every bit as awkward as real dating. By now, most ladies have a couple to a few really close friends set in place, which seems to be plenty when your gal pal time is limited to one girls night a month (if that). Keeping up with your besties can feel challenging enough, although thank the social gods for Marco Polo- which I use daily. Game changer! As much as I wanted to resist the common culprit of changing and shifting friend groups, I admit that it is an inevitable truth. If and when you have kids, it tends to have a major impact on your schedule, priorities and conversation topics. Even an age difference of six months can kill off a simple coffee date because of nap schedules or bedtimes.  Despite these set backs, I refuse to let my favorite women slip out of my fingers by planning months ahead. It feels ridiculous to plan a summer walk with a friend in the dead of winter, but I think we are all on the same page so it's a mutual ridiculous task. To my closest friends, I love you with all my heart but I am officially on the market for other mamas that share a similar schedule and a need for some stroller walks, park dates and diaper talk. I remember being highly encouraged to join PEPS and now I see what I missed out on. It's taken over a year, but I think I have finally allowed myself to identify with my new title. I'm not only a mom and it is so important to me that I maintain my sense of self and contribution through these next 17 years, or 99 years... however long it takes. But I won't deny that being a mom is a big part of who I am now. And I need some other mom friends to hangout with on a Tuesday at 9am so that we can swap underwhelming stories about our overwhelming children. I love white wine with lunch and long walks on the beach, so if you know of anyone.....

unedited for 100 days. Day 42

There is a common misconception on how to work out your butt. For decades we have been commanded to "squeeze" the butt at the top of every squat, lunge, bridge, or any lower body exercise we do in attempt to strengthen and tone the buttox. The truth though, is that what you do at the top of these moves has little to zero effect on utilizing the glute muscles. What we should be paying attention to is what we are doing with our pelvis, thigh bones and sit-bones on the way down of the movement. Cueing people to 'squeeze their butt' is open to interpretation, and of course most us respond with the action of pinching our cheeks together, which again, will do nothing for the aesthetics of your butt or the recruitment of these muscles. Perhaps it would help if we start by clarifying the difference of butt cheeks and glutes. Butt cheeks are superficial (like literally on the surface of your body) and glutes are connected to the anatomy of the pelvis and thigh bones. If we can start to connect how we articulate our pelvis in our squats and lunges this will be much more effective than the confusing and overused cue of 'squeeze your butt'. When you are operating the movement of a classic squat, try focusing on the action of rotating your pelvis back (like pointing your tailbone to the wall behind you- not down), as well as energetically drawing the sit bones towards one another while pulling your thigh bones back and apart. If I just lost you, keep it simple and just focus on stretching the smile line as you lower down in the squat. (Smile line is bottom of the butt cheek and top of the hamstring). It's important that we understand that in order to fully recruit the muscle fibers of any body mechanic, we must lengthen. This is why you will often hear the term "full range of motion" in a strength training session or class. I think the confusion lies in not knowing how to access a stretch of the glutes at the bottom of a squat or lunge. In attempt to avoid overcomplicating this blog post, I encourage everyone to work on understanding three things: anterior and posterior tilt of the pelvis, interior and external rotation of the femoral head and the anatomical location of your sit-bones. To access a stretch of the posterior chain (think glutes and hamstrings), remember the three cues while descending in a squat. 1. Rotate pelvis back (anterior tilt of the pelvis), 2. internal rotation of the femoral head and 3. imagine touching the sit bones together. The more you practice, the more you can rely on muscle memory to do the work for you, as well as the ability to apply this action to other lower body exercises. If none of this makes sense, at least we can start with this. Let's stop over squeezing our butt cheeks, this can have unwanted long term effects or even acute injury to the low back, and also frustrate a loyal squatter who doesn't seem to be getting any of the desired results (like a higher butt!) Happy to answer any questions!

unedited for 100 days. Day 41

Everyone is talking about slowing down and being present. The trouble lies in not knowing how to do this. It's natural to be present when we are doing something we enjoy, like playing in the ocean or maybe hiking in the woods. It's much more challenging to be present during times that challenge our comfort level, or maybe our tolerance in general. By now we all know that deep breathing helps, but if that's not working try scanning through the five senses. For a moment, notice what you feel in your body, what you see, what you smell, what you hear and what you taste. This is an easy enough exercise to use anytime to bring your awareness to the present moment. The idea of being present is not to make you instantly happy or joyful. It's more about cultivating a sense of peace, giving in to whatever experience we may be facing with the understanding that so much of what we experience is out of our control. When we are present we gain more clarity and more control over how we choose to react and respond to the world around us, ultimately leading to more peace at the end of the day.

unedited for 100 days. Day 40

I taught three classes today. As a group fitness and yoga instructor, I have the privilege of witnessing the achievement of goals and the powerful benefits on mind and body from a single hour spent working out.  You'd think the students would be the primary beneficiaries of our time spent together. I beg to differ. What I think people may not realize is the impact they have on me. I am so inspired by the people that come to my classes. Whether it's a brand new face or someone who routinely comes every week, each person leaves a mark on my day. I often wonder what's happening on a personal level in each persons life. Sometimes we connect and share before or after class, but often times it's the casual swap of friendly hellos and high fives. Occasionally the conversation goes deeper and I always trust that it's meant to be. It humbles me that people are interested in my life. They way they might ask about my daughter, my weekend or any other relevant well known topic, reminding me how important it is to be available to these relationships. In our own way, we have a friendship. I have to remind myself that it is okay that we aren't spending time together outside of class, and that doesn't make the relationship any less meaningful. It's possible that we underestimate these kinds of connections. Simply being recognized, called by name and shown a kindness on a small but recurring basis is highly valuable. I'm reminded of my favorite clerk at my local market (you know I'm talking about PCC right?) and he once teared up telling my husband that he was afraid to tell me his news of leaving the store. He knew that our almost daily chats were valuable to me and that I would indeed be sad to see him go. We ended up having a proper goodbye on his last night, closing in a hug and a 'thank you'. I think it's important that we don't underestimate the impact we have on one another. To my yoga and group fitness class attendees, you often make my day and I thank you for it!

unedited for 100 days. Day 39

I recently made a vision board at a weekend work retreat. I've had it out on the counter in my bathroom which has turned out to be a great place for it. As I spend time brushing my teeth, flossing, slapping on some makeup in a very uneducated manor (bronzer goes where?), I read the inspiring reminders that decorate my little board. "I have an abundance of love to give and receive", "Create something everyday" and "Wake up grateful". I have always felt a sense of deep gratitude for my life. I remember when I was first learning of other possible birth countries in my young adolescence, acknowledging that I was extremely fortunate to have been born in the United States, where girls had access to the same education as boys and where I was free to believe in whatever god I wanted to. Today I tend to rely on gratitude as a grounding method. During times when my inner peace has been shaken by someone or something, I often refer back to gratitude in attempt to get back to a place where I can breathe deep and settle down. I'm learning though, that it doesn't always work. I think we can all agree that everyone experiences suffering. Suffering does not discriminate and there is no amount of success or happiness that will protect you from it. In acknowledging this, I ponder if statements like "Wake up grateful" put too much pressure on us. It's a common response we offer to one another in conversation as well. If someone opens up about something that's troubling them, they might expect to hear advice to remember that 'it could be worse' or 'at least you still have x, y, z'. Is it not okay for us all to feel sad, or mad, or feel stuck in a season of loss? Sure it's lovely to acknowledge each day some of the things that we are thankful for. But I also believe that it's just as important to give ourselves and one another the space and grace to be mad, sad, scared, confused, lost, anxious, regretful, angry and everything in between. In my recent opinion, the cute and innocent reminders 'to love fearlessly', 'spread joy' and 'be grateful everyday' might require too much of us. Because sometimes it just feels right to yell out an F-bomb or simply say "This sucks". Perhaps I will add a few four letter words to my vision board to remind myself to feel it all.