unedited for 100 days. Day 46

I'm just in this mood right now. I think it's a good one, although some might argue that if taken too far it could be self destructive. I suppose it depends on what you're into. As much as I love the way we have learned (in very general terms) what is good for us and what isn't, I equally feel as though the suggestions that are made around how we should be living our lives can feel quite crippling. I love research and I'm all about staying up to date on the studies that are being done in the health and fitness realm specifically. However, the conclusions that are drawn from years and pages of research can be quite misleading and even sometimes downright backwards. We are now being told exactly how much water to drink, exactly how much alcohol is okay, how much red meat to eat, how many minutes of cardio we need to do each day, how many hours of sleep we need each night and you know, the list goes on and on and on. The mood I'm in lately, is this. Do whatever makes you happy. Like deeply, truly and wildly happy. Our spirits weren't built to calculate each day the way they are suggesting. Additionally, I'm done 'over-thinking' my decisions as a mother. If you are plugged into the narrow and overpowering spiral of parental advice- you know that it has you questioning every choice you make. All of this information coming at us draws us further and further away from our natural instincts. The should and shouldn'ts of life are paralyzing. The mood I'm in right now, reminds me that ultimately I go to rest with my choices and if at the end of the day they sit well with me, then screw the research.

unedited for 100 days. Day 46

unedited for 100 days. Day 45

We recently were able to move back home, after a 7 month temporary stay in an apartment while our home underwent water damage remediation and remodeling. Just last Thursday we had our first night back in our home, and in a strange way we have settled back into our normal routines like nothing happened. In many other ways, like garage chaos and newly settled layers of dust to discover every day, I am reminded that we have a lot of integrating to do. It's no surprise either, that my husband and I became sick over the weekend. We called it the 'let down'. It's that feeling of falling into your own bed at the end of the day, finally able to give in to your tired feet and feel all the emotions of the day. In this case, it's not that our feet were tired, but instead our minds. The mental exhaustion of a remodel is real! As exciting as it all is, at minimum it is like taking on a part time job (that you don't get paid for). This week, I am reminded of the importance of giving in to the so-called 'let down'. There are times when we have no choice but to operate on adrenaline. Equally there are times when we seem to start and end each day in auto pilot. Perhaps the most important thing we can do from time to time, is give in and surrender to whatever is, fully experiencing our thoughts, emotions and our bodies. Whether times are good or bad. Easy or hard. Maybe it can't be defined at all. A time-out every now and then offers us space to observe where we are at, to gather information to help guide where we are going next. For me currently, I know I am thrilled to finally be home, but I'm also digesting, reflecting and mindlessly spacing out on my favorite couch with no agenda at all. There is plenty to do, but somehow it feels right to make time to do nothing at all.

unedited for 100 days. Day 44

The other day, a five year old attended my yoga class with her mother. They arrived one or two minutes after I had started the class so I was not able to meet the little girl beforehand. Without any hesitation, the mom laid down her daughters mat in the the front row, with her own mat in row two. I admit that at first, I was skeptical. How could such an adorable and young little girl hang in this class, for an entire sixty minutes. It didn't take long to realize she knew her way around a vinyasa. I found myself unable to keep a smile off of my face when I made eye contact with her. She was radiating joy throughout the whole class. She followed along as good as anyone, and every time she pressed up into her upward facing dog, she closed her eyes and took a long pause. I couldn't help but wonder if I have ever practiced with such freedom and confidence. After class I found out that she practices yoga at home with her mom and that she loves it. I complimented the mom for giving her daughter a space of her own. Not once did the mom lean in to correct her or guide her.  I know I speak for everyone else in class that day, that our sweet little kindergarden spring breaker reminded us to not take ourselves too seriously and to own the front row when/if we've landed there.

unedited for 100 days. Day 43

Meeting new girlfriends is challenging and every bit as awkward as real dating. By now, most ladies have a couple to a few really close friends set in place, which seems to be plenty when your gal pal time is limited to one girls night a month (if that). Keeping up with your besties can feel challenging enough, although thank the social gods for Marco Polo- which I use daily. Game changer! As much as I wanted to resist the common culprit of changing and shifting friend groups, I admit that it is an inevitable truth. If and when you have kids, it tends to have a major impact on your schedule, priorities and conversation topics. Even an age difference of six months can kill off a simple coffee date because of nap schedules or bedtimes.  Despite these set backs, I refuse to let my favorite women slip out of my fingers by planning months ahead. It feels ridiculous to plan a summer walk with a friend in the dead of winter, but I think we are all on the same page so it's a mutual ridiculous task. To my closest friends, I love you with all my heart but I am officially on the market for other mamas that share a similar schedule and a need for some stroller walks, park dates and diaper talk. I remember being highly encouraged to join PEPS and now I see what I missed out on. It's taken over a year, but I think I have finally allowed myself to identify with my new title. I'm not only a mom and it is so important to me that I maintain my sense of self and contribution through these next 17 years, or 99 years... however long it takes. But I won't deny that being a mom is a big part of who I am now. And I need some other mom friends to hangout with on a Tuesday at 9am so that we can swap underwhelming stories about our overwhelming children. I love white wine with lunch and long walks on the beach, so if you know of anyone.....

unedited for 100 days. Day 42

There is a common misconception on how to work out your butt. For decades we have been commanded to "squeeze" the butt at the top of every squat, lunge, bridge, or any lower body exercise we do in attempt to strengthen and tone the buttox. The truth though, is that what you do at the top of these moves has little to zero effect on utilizing the glute muscles. What we should be paying attention to is what we are doing with our pelvis, thigh bones and sit-bones on the way down of the movement. Cueing people to 'squeeze their butt' is open to interpretation, and of course most us respond with the action of pinching our cheeks together, which again, will do nothing for the aesthetics of your butt or the recruitment of these muscles. Perhaps it would help if we start by clarifying the difference of butt cheeks and glutes. Butt cheeks are superficial (like literally on the surface of your body) and glutes are connected to the anatomy of the pelvis and thigh bones. If we can start to connect how we articulate our pelvis in our squats and lunges this will be much more effective than the confusing and overused cue of 'squeeze your butt'. When you are operating the movement of a classic squat, try focusing on the action of rotating your pelvis back (like pointing your tailbone to the wall behind you- not down), as well as energetically drawing the sit bones towards one another while pulling your thigh bones back and apart. If I just lost you, keep it simple and just focus on stretching the smile line as you lower down in the squat. (Smile line is bottom of the butt cheek and top of the hamstring). It's important that we understand that in order to fully recruit the muscle fibers of any body mechanic, we must lengthen. This is why you will often hear the term "full range of motion" in a strength training session or class. I think the confusion lies in not knowing how to access a stretch of the glutes at the bottom of a squat or lunge. In attempt to avoid overcomplicating this blog post, I encourage everyone to work on understanding three things: anterior and posterior tilt of the pelvis, interior and external rotation of the femoral head and the anatomical location of your sit-bones. To access a stretch of the posterior chain (think glutes and hamstrings), remember the three cues while descending in a squat. 1. Rotate pelvis back (anterior tilt of the pelvis), 2. internal rotation of the femoral head and 3. imagine touching the sit bones together. The more you practice, the more you can rely on muscle memory to do the work for you, as well as the ability to apply this action to other lower body exercises. If none of this makes sense, at least we can start with this. Let's stop over squeezing our butt cheeks, this can have unwanted long term effects or even acute injury to the low back, and also frustrate a loyal squatter who doesn't seem to be getting any of the desired results (like a higher butt!) Happy to answer any questions!

unedited for 100 days. Day 41

Everyone is talking about slowing down and being present. The trouble lies in not knowing how to do this. It's natural to be present when we are doing something we enjoy, like playing in the ocean or maybe hiking in the woods. It's much more challenging to be present during times that challenge our comfort level, or maybe our tolerance in general. By now we all know that deep breathing helps, but if that's not working try scanning through the five senses. For a moment, notice what you feel in your body, what you see, what you smell, what you hear and what you taste. This is an easy enough exercise to use anytime to bring your awareness to the present moment. The idea of being present is not to make you instantly happy or joyful. It's more about cultivating a sense of peace, giving in to whatever experience we may be facing with the understanding that so much of what we experience is out of our control. When we are present we gain more clarity and more control over how we choose to react and respond to the world around us, ultimately leading to more peace at the end of the day.

unedited for 100 days. Day 40

I taught three classes today. As a group fitness and yoga instructor, I have the privilege of witnessing the achievement of goals and the powerful benefits on mind and body from a single hour spent working out.  You'd think the students would be the primary beneficiaries of our time spent together. I beg to differ. What I think people may not realize is the impact they have on me. I am so inspired by the people that come to my classes. Whether it's a brand new face or someone who routinely comes every week, each person leaves a mark on my day. I often wonder what's happening on a personal level in each persons life. Sometimes we connect and share before or after class, but often times it's the casual swap of friendly hellos and high fives. Occasionally the conversation goes deeper and I always trust that it's meant to be. It humbles me that people are interested in my life. They way they might ask about my daughter, my weekend or any other relevant well known topic, reminding me how important it is to be available to these relationships. In our own way, we have a friendship. I have to remind myself that it is okay that we aren't spending time together outside of class, and that doesn't make the relationship any less meaningful. It's possible that we underestimate these kinds of connections. Simply being recognized, called by name and shown a kindness on a small but recurring basis is highly valuable. I'm reminded of my favorite clerk at my local market (you know I'm talking about PCC right?) and he once teared up telling my husband that he was afraid to tell me his news of leaving the store. He knew that our almost daily chats were valuable to me and that I would indeed be sad to see him go. We ended up having a proper goodbye on his last night, closing in a hug and a 'thank you'. I think it's important that we don't underestimate the impact we have on one another. To my yoga and group fitness class attendees, you often make my day and I thank you for it!

unedited for 100 days. Day 39

I recently made a vision board at a weekend work retreat. I've had it out on the counter in my bathroom which has turned out to be a great place for it. As I spend time brushing my teeth, flossing, slapping on some makeup in a very uneducated manor (bronzer goes where?), I read the inspiring reminders that decorate my little board. "I have an abundance of love to give and receive", "Create something everyday" and "Wake up grateful". I have always felt a sense of deep gratitude for my life. I remember when I was first learning of other possible birth countries in my young adolescence, acknowledging that I was extremely fortunate to have been born in the United States, where girls had access to the same education as boys and where I was free to believe in whatever god I wanted to. Today I tend to rely on gratitude as a grounding method. During times when my inner peace has been shaken by someone or something, I often refer back to gratitude in attempt to get back to a place where I can breathe deep and settle down. I'm learning though, that it doesn't always work. I think we can all agree that everyone experiences suffering. Suffering does not discriminate and there is no amount of success or happiness that will protect you from it. In acknowledging this, I ponder if statements like "Wake up grateful" put too much pressure on us. It's a common response we offer to one another in conversation as well. If someone opens up about something that's troubling them, they might expect to hear advice to remember that 'it could be worse' or 'at least you still have x, y, z'. Is it not okay for us all to feel sad, or mad, or feel stuck in a season of loss? Sure it's lovely to acknowledge each day some of the things that we are thankful for. But I also believe that it's just as important to give ourselves and one another the space and grace to be mad, sad, scared, confused, lost, anxious, regretful, angry and everything in between. In my recent opinion, the cute and innocent reminders 'to love fearlessly', 'spread joy' and 'be grateful everyday' might require too much of us. Because sometimes it just feels right to yell out an F-bomb or simply say "This sucks". Perhaps I will add a few four letter words to my vision board to remind myself to feel it all.

unedited for 100 days. Day 38

I'm tired of the phrase 'Everything in moderation'. Admittedly I've said it a lot myself, but I've decided to put it bed. It's on the same level as the classic and overused phrase, 'It's all about balance'. Talking like this makes it seem as though every decision is quantified to equal an exact balance at the end of the day. Like 5 celery sticks equals one cookie. Or one glass of water equals one glass of wine. And what is moderation? It's all subjective and a waste of talk. I think statements like this are used with the intention to liberate our decisions, or grant us permission to 'have a treat' or enjoy 'just one more glass of wine'. Instead this attitude implies that those choices are wrong choices, which is where I fundamentally disagree. Today, when I eat a piece of cake I'm not thinking that it's a bad choice. I literally just think it tastes good and it makes me happy that I can enjoy it without thinking about a transaction of right and wrongs. I wont say that I've always had this freedom around food, because I remember the opposite feeling well. It could have been a simple bowl of M&M's at a friends house and I remember being preoccupied by their presence, bouncing back and forth with the decision to have some or not. I think the disturbance came more from the belief that I shouldn't have them, rather then really wanting some or not. I don't know how or what exactly clicked for me but I can say it wasn't by adopting the phrase "Everything in moderation!".  Perhaps it started about 7 years ago, when I met a woman who taught fengshui methods. While having dinner with her and a group of other yoga teachers, I noticed she took a moment before her first sip of wine, with her hand over the glass and her eyes closed. I was intrigued. I had to ask. She explained to me that she was simply acknowledging the wine and asking that it bless her body. With an attitude of enjoyment and delight, she enjoyed her wine without any worry or guilt. While I don't necessarily pray over my glass of wine at the table, I must say that I often think of her and the importance of acknowledging these pleasures in life as nothing more than simply a pleasure. It's not wrong. It's not bad. It's not a cheat. For me, healthy eating isn't about balance. It's about truly enjoying all of my food (and beverage) choices. If you don't know my story, it's important that you at least know that I struggled with an extra 15-20 pounds on my body at the peak of my personal training career. During that time I was lost in the checks and balances of health right and wrongs. I don't feel called to coach people on how or what to eat, but I am passionate about supporting people in discovering freedom within this very overwhelming health and fitness bubble. On some level, I'm sure we can all relate.

unedited for 100 days. Day 37

Boobs are so weird. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about my own. I've never been a cleavage girl but not because I think it's wrong. I think I'm just not a boob girl. I've just never thought of my boobs as a center piece. For me they are best when they are tucked in and out of the way. I feel best in a sports bra or a bra-lette (you know those lace bras that offer zero lift and no support). What I never realized though was the way they would change after having a baby. Breastfeeding seemingly melted my boobs to a permanent weary state. I've pondered the thought of doctoring them up. With the help of some good old silicone, I could get a little perk back. I've got plenty of family members and friends with some falsies and I think they look great! After all, the female form is lovely and I see no wrong in embracing your form the way it is or enhancing it in any way you like. I equate it to tattoos. It's my body and I will use it, love it and express it in whatever way I please! I especially love the way surgeons have made it possible for many women to recreate their feminine form after life saving surgeries. We live in amazing times. Still, I don't know if a boob job is for me. I recall listening to a european girlfriend of mine, as she described the liberty and normalcy of the topless culture back home (at the beach of course). She explained that boobs just aren't a big deal. Men back home are used to seeing boobs of all kinds. Droopy boobs aren't something to hide. How nice does that sound? Lounging on the beach with a marg, letting your girls lay off to the side in all of their natural glory with zero shame. The only time I ever went topless on a public beach was in Costa Rica, where it is socially acceptable yet still somewhat of a head turning choice. It was the best feeling! I won't say that I was completely confident- but I enjoyed the freedom. What I do know is that if I ever go on the docs table, I will be one hundred percent certain that I was doing it for no one but myself. And if I decide to leave them be, it may be because I found my way to a beach in Europe where I saw hundreds of tatas just like mine. Ladies, let's support one another. Getting or not getting a boob job does not define us. Our boobs do not define us. Guys, let your lady know you think her boobs are perfect. Cheers to you and all the weird and awesome boobs in your life!

unedited for 100 days. Day 36

Is it just me or are there some major transitional vibes all over the place right now? Of course the season change has an impact on our bodies and energy levels. This past week in Seattle we experienced very rare seventy degree temperatures in late March, inspiring an uproar of sleeveless park goers and fair weather runners (yours truly included). Vitamin D coming from it's truest source is just about as good as a glass of bubbles. We Seattle dwellers especially appreciate the buzz, refusing to waste a single free minute inside- even pumping gas becomes a sacred past time as long as we have a sun ray on our face. Still, aside from all of the sunshine activity, it feels as though there is a movement of personal growth inspiring us all, along with a trend of reprioritizing. As a yoga instructor, I have the privilege of hearing personal stories before and after class. It never ceases to amaze me how much variety we can fit into one room. Even with all the different stories, there often seems to be a theme that connects us. Lately, I'm picking up on a theme of change. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the new moon or maybe it's the buzz of the 2020 election. I'm not sure it matters. But what does prove to be significant is the way we connect with one another through the one constant that we all know. Change is a gift. It's a quiet reminder that none of this is forever. And it's a gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) nudge to check in on our priorities- because maybe instead of wishing things were better, we can make them better. Cheers to us for not just rolling with it, but instead steering the wheel ourselves- rolling to where we want to go.

unedited for 100 days. Day 35

I had a quick little side chat with a friend of mine after our workout today. We both had been late to class, which starts with 30 minutes on the bike followed by 30 minutes of strength training. After we both had dropped the kids off in the daycare room, we were at least 10 minutes late to join the workout. There were no bikes left because the class was waitlisted, so she ran on the treadmill and I geeked out on the assault bike (you can probably look it up if your curious what this is) in the back of the room. As little as I could participate in the spin program the instructor was offering, I felt energized by the women around me. For me, just being a part of the room was all I needed today. After all, I did manage to jog the baby and dog to and from class which had little to do with wanting the cardio workout and more to do with soaking up as much sun as possible on our first seventy degree day of the year.  So after my very mediocre performance of a workout, I chatted with my tardy workout buddy as we related on the simple victory of participation. We high-fived one another in complete understanding and support. Showing up was our win, and we would go on with the day feeling like winners. We din't think twice of the 10 minutes we lost in the beginning of class, but we celebrated the fifty minutes we had, calling it our bonus workout. It was a reminder to me of what it means to live in the attitude of abundance.

unedited for 100 days. Day 34

We are days away from feeling 70 degree weather on our face; through our car windows, strolling on lunch break or maybe out at a park with the dogs and kids. Seattle is about to burst at the seams with pasty white legs and desperate beach loungers this coming Monday and Tuesday. We are shameless when it comes to our first glimpse of warmer weather. I live in Kirkland which is a miniature and much colder version of a soCal beach town. Everyone on the eastside comes to Kirkland on sunny days and the people watching is good enough to satisfy my need. Boaters, awkward teenagers, babies, dogs and squads of all kinds. I've mentioned my beach cruiser before, and this forecast has me curious if I can get our trailer hooked up to it in time for a cruise with the baby girl next week. Like I said, we get really excited about those first warm days and we aren't shy about it. The lemonade shop will be packed, gelato will sell out and Lake Washington Boulevard will look like I-5 just because people want to cruise the strip with their choice of summer jams on. It's all fun and geeky, and it's a reminder to not sweat the small stuff. It's a reminder to take time to enjoy life because we all know in this corner of the world, our sunny days are numbered.

unedited for 100 days. Day 33

I'm closing in on 6 years at Fly Fitness and I feel like celebrating! I love Fly so much and will always be grateful for the platform it has been for me in serving my community and connecting with amazing people. It is a happy place and a place where you can show up on your worst or best day, and feel welcomed. Somehow we have the nicest members- people who I truly feel honored to be around. I love the way we are a community. Not just people working out together, but people who support one another and cheer one another on in and outside of the gym. We get to know one another's kids and stories on a level that feels genuine and real. I can't say enough about our team of instructors- every one of them unique, strong, fun and talented. For me, Fly Fitness is a place that inspires. Not just in the workout but in the way people are living their lives, connecting to one another and the community around them. I'm working on building my yoga classes back to where they were before my maternity leave. My vision is to get back to 20 people in class. Not for any reason other than that buzz of friendships and connection that happens before and after class. Yoga is never about numbers for me, but Fly Fitness is a place of community and I want our community to grow. I'm throwing it out there universe!

unedited for 100 days. Day 32

Traffic might be one of the few things that pulls me out of my grounded nature to a state of fury. It might be the feeling of entrapment, or maybe it's just the fact that my time is being taken from me. It is straight up robbery and I have no tolerance for that. I'm fortunate enough to not have a far commute to my regular work place, in fact in the summer I opt for my turquoise green beach cruiser instead of my car. Occasionally though, I am reunited with the reality of Seattle's endless rush hour. It is beyond me how some have found the ability to cope day in and day out with it. It is also beyond me that when people are in cars, they somehow have forgotten all basic laws of humanity and kindness. When you hop on the freeway, you can basically double down on the likelihood of getting cut off, flipped the bird, honked at and completely ignored (like when you have your blinker on and the person behind you in the next lane over literally avoids eye contact inching behind the car in front of them so that you couldn't possible jerk your way over even if you wanted to, and as they pass you- you can't help but notice they look like a completely reasonable and nice human. huh?). Would you behave this way if you didn't have four thousand pounds of metal protecting you? Like in a grocery line would you awkwardly hover a pinky distance behind the person in front of you in line, just to make sure no one could cut in front of you? Well maybe some would, but that's creepy bro. I just can't stand it. Sadly, I actually love driving. I pride myself in being a great driver, cautiously aggressive when necessary and always aware of every single car on the road. Driving on a Sunday when I'm not in a rush is a great past time for me. But traffic is a hard no. And have you ever thought about road karma? I could get cut off by one hundred jerk drivers, but it won't stop me from letting someone in my lane. The jerks might make me furious but I won't let them win. It just feels good to be the nice one on the road, doing my part in making the world a better place, one blinker at at time. 

unedited for 100 days. Day 31

I think it's important to adjust our standards from time to time. Of course not when it comes to our values but rather, our expectations on ourselves and our workout routine. As a personal trainer, I get a lot of questions from friends, family and clients alike concerned with how much we should be doing cardio or how often we should be doing strength training. While there may be recommendations around improving heart health and preventing osteoporosis, I find it draining and impossible to abide by those standards longterm without fail. It's important to me that I live in an attitude of success, not failure. If I were to put a standard on my life that suggested 5-6 days of working out per week, I am not shy to admit that I would be missing the mark most weeks. Instead I like to look at the week ahead, taking all of the appointments and variable events that impact my schedule to mind, and ask "what does success look like this week?". When it comes to working out, I believe that we all benefit greater mental and physical health, when we prioritize balance and well being. Some might say that their workouts are non-negotiable. I wont say that's wrong, but I would challenge them to consider if their non-negotiable workouts are putting any other aspect of their life out of balance. For example, research now tells us that a proper nights sleep has a greater impact on our waist lines than working out- so if you are waking up extra early to squeeze in that cardio session for weight loss reasons, many health professionals would advise instead to stay in bed. Finally, some good advice coming from the health world! Working out is not and should never ever ever feel like a punishment. Working out is a privilege and a celebration! It is a celebration of vitality. So instead of feeling bombarded by suggestions made by someone other than yourself, make up your own rules and feel like a damn boss about it!

unedited for 100 days. Day 30

Spring forward and onward! We all set our clocks forward in the middle of the night last night. Rather, Siri did it for us, but the feeling is the same. Waking up slightly confused and out of sorts. As the day goes on, it feels a little off but when the six o'clock hour hits and it's still light outside, it feels fantastic. In a way, it's as if we officially turned the page from winter to spring (even though we still need our puffy's a little while longer). Spring time is not about warmer weather, but instead it's about light, color and fresh blooms. For me, spring time is a more appropriate time to re-connect with goals, values and future plans- even more so than New Years. New Years is more like a deep breath after the holidays, but it lands in the middle of winter when we still have quite a stretch of cold weather ahead of us. The transition into spring time feels like an opportunity to clean out our closets, book a vacation, order a cute new pair of sandals and get back into our favorite fitness classes. I cannot wait to box up my sweaters and start wearing peep toe booties!

unedited for 100 days. Day 29

I don't know anyone that doesn't like to hear the words "you're doing a great job". It's such a simple yet profound affirmation that we don't hear often enough. Perhaps we hear it in times of greater success or maybe during the more challenging times, but not often enough on the average days that are yet just as significant as any other day.

I grew up playing sports and I thrived on verbal affirmation from my coaches. When they told me I did a good job, I could go to sleep happy at night. I miss that about sports. Having a coach that watches you practice, watches you perform and tells you (hopefully most of the time) that you are doing a great job. Today, my life is not spent on the tennis or volleyball court, but there are plenty of moments when I could use a coach in the corner offering a high five and a "great job Jame!". On any average day, I might win one hundred miniature battles that go unnoticed. I equate it to dusting. No one will notice if you dusted your lamps, but they might notice if you didn't. Sometimes the boring days are the most successful days. Maybe I didn't do anything today that was worthy of an audience in the bleachers, but looking back at it all, including the smallest details- I can say that I did a great job. Say it to yourself every now and then. Tell the people around you as often as possible. We are all doing our best with what we have, and we are doing a great job. 

unedited for 100 days. Day 28

We are raising our baby girl to be bi-lingual. She just turned a year, and to this day, her dad speaks only spanish to her and I speak english. I'm always fascinated to watch her respond to both of us, in awe of her ability to take it all in. I am hopeful that she will absorb enough spanish from her dad that she will be confident in applying herself to learning it in her older years. Confidence is such a critical factor in learning. When we learn something new, we simultaneously accept the possibility of making mistakes. It is a vulnerable state, but always rewarding. Almost ten years ago, I moved to southern Chile for six months speaking and understand little to no spanish. The first day in my cabin on the island of Chiloe, I realized that I needed to build a fire to heat the place. I remember moving my hands around like a primal monkey to the landlord asking for wood to make fire- that's what little spanish I knew at the time. In fact, it took a solid three months to build enough confidence to start speaking and engaging verbally with the locals. Once I broke the seal and embraced the many grammatical errors I would make, my new chilean friends started to comment how much I had improved. I always wish that I had found that confidence in the beginning. I can only hope that my daughter learns this well before I ever did. That being vulnerable enough to learn is the strongest you will ever feel.

unedited for 100 days. Day 27

It troubles me that we have been bombarded with the notion that we need to find our purpose in life. I get why it's appealing. At the end of it all, it would be a nice way to bring our personal fulfillment to a nice and neat finish, like the last line in romance novel. Today I was on a run, and yes I am a fair weather runner and not ashamed to admit it. I passed by other happy faces, exchanging a mutual glance between one another that read "Isn't Seattle the best?". We locals are geeky about the sunshine like that. It's instant Mr. Rogers mode- just chatting it up with all our neighbors. On this run, I began thinking how important it is to acknowledge one another in the world. It's possible that we are too busy trying to figure out what this mysterious and all powerful purpose is, that we are missing out on the smallest moments that are just as meaningful. From sunrise to sundown, there is purpose to be found in every moment; feeling joy, feeling sadness, empathizing, learning, creating, dreaming, sharing, caring and simply acknowledging one another. I don't believe my life has one singular purpose, but I do believe that I can make every moment of my life meaningful.

unedited for 100 days. Day 26

I feel the urge coming. It happens about three times a year, and is honestly one of my favorite feelings. The closet purge! I'm not a big shopper actually and it always surprises me how I can find things to get rid of every 4 months. It also humors me that the same pieces of questionable clothing can survive two to three purges in a row. But by the third purge, all it takes is that one moment of truth and that thing is history. Goodbye pilly sweater! As much as I am fond of your cozy oversized turtle neck, I find myself wanting to wear my other sweater that doesn't look like it barely survived a cat fight. And goodbye print wrap dress. As much as I tried, I just am not a print gal. I like solids and I'm sticking to it! It's taken years on years, but I think I have finally figured out my style. Anything black. Some neutrals. Classic sweaters and jackets. An occasional body suit. And a reliable set of shoes that don't hurt my feet. They say that if you can have some what of a 'uniform' you can save a lot of time and energy by not taking 20 minutes to get dressed for the day. I like to keep my closet stocked of clothes that I feel good and happy in. Tomorrow, I'm going to have an extra cup of coffee and say goodbye to anything that falls outside of those parameters. I especially need to get after my yoga pants drawer- if they ain't cute no more, they out!

unedited for 100 days. Day 25

We often listen to the French Cafe Radio station on Pandora. It has that chill euro vibe, which I'm not ashamed to borrowing from time to time. Deep down in this little suburbia heart of mine, I feel I belong to the cobble streets of Paris. While Kirkland, WA is certainly not Paris, the local coffee shop makes a good cappuccino which is good enough for now. Along with the local wine shop which we frequent with our baby and dog. Today we enjoyed some bubbles at our regular hangout after a long walk in the nearly spring-like air. The good vibes continued once we returned home, accompanied by French Cafe Radio as we started to prepare dinner. This station rarely branches out to anything beyond French, which is largely why I love it. Not to mention, we have put hundreds of hours into this station and typically hear the same songs cycle through like a stream of hulu commercials on repeat during a single show. Sure, it could have been the light champagne buzz, but it equally could have been a sweet visit from my late grandpa. Frank Sinatra began singing through the speakers. I'll be seeing you" he sings, and I immediately get a rush of goosebumps. Grandpa loved this song and it is one he recited frequently. In this particular moment, I was feeling especially grateful while watching my one year old daughter make a mess of the kitchen cupboards and my husband butchering the chicken for dinner. It was as if Grandpa was saying "I see you happy my dear, and your family is beautiful". Papa never met my husband or daughter, but I have a sense that he is a part of our love.

unedited for 100 days. Day 24

We are living in apartment right now while our house is undergoing a mix of water damage remediation and some updating. Our unit is on the northeast corner of the building, looking out at two neighboring condo and apartment buildings. Once it gets dark, the glow of the tv's start to illuminate the windows around me, giving a sense that the day is winding down and that my neighbors are all home from work or wherever they go during the day. Not in a creepy way, but I have started to build stories about each neighbor based on what they watch and whatever habits I might observe in this little fishbowl of multi-family dwelling units that I'm living in. In a way, it brings a sense of unity like we are all in this together. Doing our thing during the day, just to return home and enjoy a couple hours of indulgence on the couch. It's true though. We are all in this together. I wish we remembered that more. We are all on this planet at the same time, sharing the same moment in history that is like no other. Though it's a shame that we don't have more summer nights. Instead of being inside on our couches, we join humanity outside- strolling, licking ice cream cones and watching sunsets. I love you cozy nights on the couch, but it's quite possible you are keeping us all from getting to know one another.

unedited for 100 days. Day 23

My husband does a lot of cute things and I would be willing to guess that his love language is, acts of kindness. I never read the book, The Five Love Languages, but everyone refers to it often enough that I feel like I understand the basic concept. I can equally guess that my love language is words of affirmation. Is that even one of them? I don't know, if it's not it should be. I do know however that acts of kindness is one of them and that is one hundred percent my husband. I'm sure he knows that he has created somewhat of  monster. I'd rather ask him for glass of water than get my own because he will choose the perfect glass, slice some lemon wedges and garnish it with fresh mint. My version of a glass of water is just that. A glass with water in it. He loves the details though- and he loves for things to feel special. When I was pregnant he would flavor my sparking water with bitters and serve it in a wine glass, taking the time to make sure that my refill was ready before my glass was close to empty. It goes beyond beverages and food. Just last night I commented that my feet were cold. He could have just thrown me a pair of socks from the drawer that he was standing next to, but instead he took the time blow hot air into each sock before he perfectly placed them on my feet. I laughed out loud as I thought to myself, he knows how to live. If you are going to do it, do it right! He constantly reminds me, just by being him, that I could return the favor more often. I learned years ago that he loves it when I roll the toothpaste tube so that it's always full towards the opening. Love doesn't need to be a grand gesture every time. These kinds of daily details and efforts can change the way you feel about yourself and your loved ones. I like knowing that when he sees that tube of toothpaste perfectly pressed, he feels loved and he knows that although I could care less about it, I did it for him. If you want an inspirational song on the topic, listen to "Little Things" by India Arie. Happy Friday!

unedited for 100 days. Day 22

I've been thinking lately that in the 'self help department' we've got it all wrong. Isn't it possible that we are overemphasizing helping ourselves anyways? Don't get me wrong, you know I'm all about living my best life; after all I love me some yoga, long walks on the beach and matcha tea. Still somehow I think we might be skipping over the most important piece of being alive. I scroll my favorite instagram influencers and am bombarded with the hundreds of things to eat, drink and do to be healthier and happier. I can't help but feel a sense of falling short. I'm not meditating enough. I'm not journaling enough. I'm not soaking in epsom salt baths enough. Shit, I forgot to eat my goji berries and chaga mushrooms today. From a headspace of not being able to fulfill the prophecy of self care that is called upon us, it's likely that we feel as if we don't have time to help others, or volunteer or simply just call up a friend up and ask them how they are doing. I mean isn't it true what they say? Take care of yourself first, so that then you can care for others better? But if taking care of ourselves involves a checklist of 250 things to do, how do we ever get to being there for the people around us? Which I think is the most important piece of being alive. It is my belief that we are called to be a part of community, big and small. So I just wonder if we can go back to the basics. Eat well. Move well. When you want to juice some carrots go for it. And when you'd rather watch bachelor over mediate, fine by me! But always, always be a friend. Be a part of community. Be available to the humans around you. Chances are, helping others will have a hell of a lot more impact on feeling happier and healthier than that golden milk latte will.

unedited for 100 days. Day 21

I am finding that the skill of conserving energy has become quite valuable in my life. Energy of all kinds too. Not just physical energy, but mental and emotional as well. In regards to conserving emotional energy, I am learning that there are times when I have a choice to engage and react, or simply flow through moments that are better left simple, and perhaps less intimate. I have always prided myself to be someone that was open and honest with the people around me. So much so that I couldn't lie to the cashier at the grocery store if they asked how my day was. If I was having a rough day for big reasons or small, I had to tell them about it because if I didn't I felt dishonest. After all, don't we relate and connect to one another when we can be real and honest? What I'm learning though is that it is okay to politely connect in a detached manner and conserve your emotional energy for a time when you can be productive with it. Mental energy is another one that we should be choosy with. We have information constantly thrown at as from all directions. I am learning to filter that information- it is okay to let some things in one ear and out the other. And of course physical energy is an important one. Our bodies were not built to perform at one hundred miles per hour all day long. Find moments to slow down your movements and slow down your breath. If you have been waiting for permission, I humbly grant it to you (wink wink).

unedited for 100 days. Day 20

I do believe that at any moment, you can recreate your life. Whether it is a simple shift in style or a dramatic change of opinion, we have the option to transform into something or someone different on any given day. This idea is so liberating to me, while at the same time it reinforces the responsibility of owning my life and the choices I make. I tend to avoid the feeling of being stagnant like it's the plague. Perhaps that is why I change directions immediately the moment I sense a standstill. And perhaps that is why I constantly rearrange furniture, or rearrange the cupboards or cut my hair on a whim (like just yesterday). All of these mini change ups offer a valuable reminder that while there are some things we may not be able to change, there are opportunities every single day to choose to keep (or leave behind) the people, the things and the ways of our life.  With this perspective, it also changes the way I think about commitment. To some, commitment can seem boring or like a trap. Au contraire! Commitment is a choice you make over and over again with each sunset and each sunrise. An obvious example is marriage. I take my rings off every night out of habit, not just so that I can apply hand cream without dirtying them up, but also so that in the morning I can have a quiet moment to myself as I place the rings back on my finger, remembering that I choose him every day. (Although it's not a difficult choice- this little ritual keeps my perspective in check). Every day of our life is full of possibilities and choices, and I think it is vital that we own it all. And if you ever feel stuck or oppressed by something or someone that you cannot change, focus on the things that you can. I may not be able to shorten this cold Seattle winter, but I sure as hell can go get a haircut and for now that's enough to spice things up.

unedited for 100 days. Day 19

According to planetcalc.com I have lived through one thousand eight hundred and eleven weeks, plus six days. That makes today my one thousand eight hundred and eleventh Friday. I guess that seems like a lot of Fridays, but it is also a shockingly low number considering the fact that many of those weeks I was probably counting down to Friday, likely ignoring the significance of the preceding and under appreciated weekdays. Not to mention that most of the work that I've done in my life did not happen on Fridays. All of those Mondays, Tuesdays, hump day Wednesdays and throw-back Thursdays hold the meat and glory of my story. The homework, the performances, the games, the matches, the corporate grind, the failures, the successes are all to thank that weekday hustle. Still Friday rolls around and it's that little reward. That subtle reminder that another week has passed, leaving you feeling one of two ways. You either crushed it, or maybe you dropped the ball on a few things, both possibilities contributing to the larger plot of your story. This week was a challenge getting it all done. In fact, I had to cancel a lot of things because my baby girl was sick. I could be left feeling behind and in areas unsuccessful (i.e. working out, meal planning, cooking, getting to bed on time...), but instead I recognize that my week was spent writing my story as a mother and in that regard, I feel quite accomplished. Just a little reminder that although Friday is indeed a damn good day, the other days are worthy of  a medal. Happy Friday friends!

unedited for 100 days. Day 18

Unless you are a paid artist of some kind, chances are the older you've gotten the less time you have for creativity or play. We are all born with creative minds and the kind of imaginations that could take us from our families' kitchen table to the so convincingly real Candyland of our dreams. I remember thinking that heaven was Candyland. I could eat all the candy I wanted someday if I just made it through the famous golden gates- which were obviously guarded by two angel-like elves that would either let you in or turn you away. That's how my young and sugar high mind imagined it anyway. I think it was actually the place I thought of most when I was falling asleep at night as a kid.
I accept that growing older comes with more responsibilities and of course more topics to worry about including but not limited to; jobs, bills, politics, insurance policies, health issues, 401k's, laundry, dinner... the list goes on. Not only does the list go on, it cycles through from start to finish every single day. What I don't accept is that this needs to push out all our time for creativity. We must decide to make the time for play. Even if it's just a quick 5 minutes with a blank piece of paper and some markers. Remember that? It must be a decade since I doodled without a purpose. I'm not talking about doodling in your fancy planner. I'm talking about drawing an apple tree and a couple stick figures holding flowers in the sunshine (because that's about as good as my drawing skills go) because creating things without an agenda is just good for the soul. No ego. Just you and your dorky little imagination having a little reunion every once in a while. All I know is I'm going to bed thinking about kicking it in Candyland with little angel trolls.

unedited for 100 days. Day 17

I guess it was about 10 years ago that I started to transform into what I would call a sleep diva. I suppose my cute little studio apartment had something to do with it. I was recently divorced and queen of my castle, for really the first time in my life. From my adolescent home I moved to the dorms at college, then an apartment of three girls, followed by a house of six girls and then to another apartment with my then spouse. I had never lived alone until my 500 and something square foot apartment. It gave me the time and space to genuinely get to know myself. I was able to do things the way I liked to do them, without tip-toeing around roommates or exes. I walked by that apartment today, with my dog and baby in tow per usual, feeling grateful and of course nostalgic.  That little place, and the girl that once lived there, had no idea of what was to come. She didn't have a plan or much of an ambition, outside of the dream to be free and happy. And perhaps with any luck, find someone to share life with that would embrace her newly realized need and passionate love for nine hours of sleep, and of course the eye mask, ear plugs and essential oils that make it happen. I may not always get my nine hours, but I'm about to proudly put my mask on next to the love of my life. Night night!

unedited for 100 Days. Day 16

These are the weeks, well let's be real, these are the months that you start to question your loyalty to living in the northwest. At least for me, this is the very predictable time of year when my haste for the endless damp and dreary days tempt me to call it quits. I start scrolling the real estate elsewhere, anywhere that isn't here. Usually landing in the heartbreak of the southern California cost per square foot. Damn. Why you gotta be like that SoCal? And then I quietly decide that our education system is just too hard to beat, plus my dog wouldn't like year round heat anyways. Aren't we 'northwestern-ers'  all the same? We complain about the weather almost year round amongst one another, but the moment our beloved corner of the world is under attack by a much more cultured eastcoaster, or maybe a tanned beach babe from Cali, we defend this place like it's our first born child. We passionately vocalize our appreciation for our air quality, the mountainous beauty, the lakes, the rivers, the trees,  the endless outdoor recreation (hence our timeless style of outwear and beanies). We could go on and on about what makes this place great- because it is. Just one sunset against the Olympics and you swoon for a Seattle zip code. And those perfect summer nights on the beach (yes we totally have beaches- like rocky beaches...but they are beaches) are hard to beat. But right now its mid February and I want the hell out of here.

unedited for 100 days. Day 15

Some say that we overuse the word 'Love'. The concern is that the word will lose it's meaning or lose it's sincerity perhaps. I disagree. I think we need to use the word more! The world is in constant calibration, searching for it's true nature. Is the world good? Is it bad? I mean, 'To be or not to be?' right? All I know is that the world needs more love. More light. If you love the shit out of your pet snake- perfect! If you love the shit out of your books, or your coffee or your vintage record player, bring it! We need this kind of energy circulating around us. And isn't it obvious that when I say, "I love my manicure" it's not the same as saying "I love you" to my peeps? And even with our friends and family, isn't it true that we have a special and unique love for each person? Why limit this word to romantic love anyways? And what about self-love? That's a weird one. I think we struggle with it because we forget that love can be an expression of gratitude or acceptance. I really don't think we can ever know all the ways of love. However, I assert that we all have a right to express love in whatever damn way we please. So happy valentines to you and your pet snake!

unedited for 100 days. Day 14

An important element of teaching yoga is the responsibility of holding space for people. It is meant to be a safe and non-judgmental space for people to explore and discover themselves. I try not to impose beliefs or any kind of personal agenda on my class. Of course though, a part of being a teacher is sharing a piece of yourself to build that trust and highlight the common ground that unites us. The ups and downs, the messes, the celebrations, the failures and everything in between. A teacher must be cautious in how and what they share to keep the space available to everyone. I get turned off when I attend a class in which the teacher begins with their personal take on life that day. They might start with a tragedy that is in the news, or their recent vacation to the beach. In their intent to share and connect, the impact is the imposition of a certain mood or feeling on everyone in the room. Guiding a group yoga class is a fragile art. Some people are walking in the doors having the best day of their life, while others might be in the middle of a crisis. I find it especially important that we keep our personal highs and lows to ourselves as teachers. Perhaps before or after class we can connect with our students in this way. It would be a failure for all of us teachers if people denied themselves of yoga because they didn't think they were happy enough, or peaceful enough or 'deep' enough.  Yoga is for all of us. In a nutshell, yoga is a movement and breath practice that offers space to be exactly as we are, on any given day- and in that self awareness and discovery, we find more peace. This is why you will hear me say the word "peace" in class and not the word "happy". We won't be "happy" every day but that should never keep us from our mat. I hope my students always feel safe and free to be themselves. So those are my thoughts on that. :)

unedited for 100 days. Day 13

I finally started Michelle Obama's book Becoming. I'm going Audible on this one because there's something awesome about listening to her read her own story. So I took my crew (dog and baby) on a walk today in basically a blizzard, (apparently our current northwest snow storm has made national news) and listened to Michelle talk about her experience in school as a kid in which the students had to spell out the names of colors, and how quickly it humiliated the kids that couldn't get through the first one. It brought back a memory for me from middle school. We had to memorize all of the major rivers in Washington State. Each kid would be called up to the board in which the teacher would point to a river at random and we had to name it in front of the class. I remember studying so hard for this, for at least a few days, maybe even a week or two. Either way, I do know that I was motivated as hell to pass. For those with a photographic memory, this type of quiz was cake. I had friends that barely had to revisit the worksheets. They saw it once and they easily remembered. For me though, I had to come up with other methods. I'm a music girl so I would create songs. On Washington State river test day, my name was called and I confidently walked up to the map. I'm sure for everyone in the room my unusually long and awkward pause after the teacher pointed to 'Snake River' on the map, made it appear that I was going to take a wild guess. What they didn't know was that I was happily singing my song in my head as my eyes moved from river to river in a counterclockwise order starting at the top left corner. Of course Snake River is bottom right. Perhaps my peers easily remembered the fact that Snake River was on the bottom right. Either way, a correct answer is a correct answer. I eventually called out "Snake River" in probably a hint of a singing voice and proudly walked back to my seat. Pass! Thanks Michelle for reminding me of what a cooky and dedicated weirdo I am.

unedited for 100 days. Day 12

Hubby and I have been doing a day date for the past 6 months or so and it kicks ass! There are 5 reasons why I love this. One, it is in the middle of the day, hence "day date". I'm not in my sweat pants (well, I'm in yoga pants but that's different.... right?) and I still have my 'middle of the day' mojo. Meaning, I have energy to look him in the eye and listen to him (without thinking about all the things I need to do before going to bed). Two, we meet in public, the way we used to when we were first dating. It's just a fun feeling to see your man walk through the doors and spot you from across the room. In that moment, you feel all giddy like, "I'm over here baby". Three, a day drink just has a different vibe. Sometimes we have a glass of wine, sometimes we don't but either way, it's casual and fun. You feel slightly Euro and I think we can all agree the Europeans just have that mid day cool. Four, the conversation has a light feel. We know that this day date has a tight time limit to it. Typically we are in and out within an hour. Instead of losing focus on a random tangent that doesn't matter, we stick to the point and usually avoid topics that require a lot of brain power or time. Finally, my fifth reason for why the day date kicks ass is the goodbye. There is a little bit of a lingering flirtation in the air- like "you want to come to my place tonight...?". Lol. But seriously, the day date is not something to be looked over. Big fan over here.

unedited for 100 days. Day 11

I'm hearing from my friends about the chaos at the grocery stores tonight as people are clearing the shelves in preparation for the snow storm hitting the Seattle area tomorrow. Maybe I'm not taking this storm serious enough, but I'm glad I've got some food in the fridge because I am not about to join that circus. I don't know why I tend to rebel against anything the crowd is doing (unless it's pop music or current hairstyle trends) but for most things, going my own way is my MO. I suppose it isn't the right approach however if there really was going to be an apocalypse. In that case, you have got to jump in that canned goods aisle and grab as many non-perishables that you can fit into your basket. Something tells me even then, I would probably just grab one or two cans of coconut milk and dog treats and call it a day. I think I just feel silly behaving in a panic. I also know that I like to leave room for mystery in life. Snow storm 2019, you are my jam! I'm just going to live life all crazy over here and see what happens- and probably be calling friends for food.

unedited for 100 days. Day 10

I am reminded daily of the strength I have lost since my pre-pregnant days. Damn, I really took my strength for granted back then. Now I have to get down on the floor just to make sure I can still do 10 basic push ups. I think most of my friends and family assumed that I would have had one of those pregnancy's that just seemed to cruise on by with an isolated pop of my belly. Hard no. Like 50 pounds hard no! Regardless, I stood in front of a fit crowd every day and continued to teach yoga and group fitness classes, while not one pound of me was worried about the way my body was changing. Perhaps a part of it was that we tried to get pregnant for two years. At a certain point, the only option is gratitude (truth!). Additionally, I always knew that there would be a time and place to get back to my wardrobe.  My season of being pregnant was so much bigger than that. 

Yesterday I celebrated my daughters first birthday! It was a gentle reminder that I have come a long way, yet I have plenty more to go. Although I am able to wear all my favorite clothes again, I cannot say that I worked for it. I know that may seem unfair but the fact that I dropped thirty pounds in the first two weeks postpartum made it clear to me that my weight loss (or weight gain) had nothing to do with working out. (Thanks water retention and raging hormones.) 

I am proud that I never freaked out about the number on the scale (even though my doc reminded me weekly that she did not recommend closing in on forty pounds weight gain during pregnancy- sorry doc! Got ya beat!). Additionally, I am proud that I have been patient with my body as I journey back to my days of kettle bell swinging and pistol squats. I equally accept that I have now graduated from early baby days and it's time to break a sweat. 

I humbly would like to remind us all, that what is seen on the outside is not the story in entirety.  Yes those fifty pregnant pounds are long gone, but my body still feels like it is in a million pieces and I am just now starting to put those pieces back together. 

unedited for 100 days. Day 9

It's a curse. I am too good at being efficient and multi-tasking. I catch myself having these secret contests with myself all day long. If I put something in the microwave for 90 seconds, I challenge myself to change the laundry, empty the trash and pee before the timer goes off. Another example is finding random things to put away or pick up off the floor while I brush my teeth. Any other Sonicare users out there? You know those two minutes feel way too long to stand there doing nothing. I also have become very skillful with my nightly routine, getting everything ready for the next day- methodically filling the Berkey, prepping the coffee machine, wiping the counters and starting the dishwasher in the most efficient way. To be specific, I position the faucet on the edge of the Berkey ever so precisely that it will stay there on it's own, so that I can do as much of those other things before it starts over flowing. Like a said, it's a curse and slightly insane. My husband calls it 'Monica mode', like from Friends. Lately, I've been challenging myself to slow down and be present with one task at a time. Tonight, I stood still for the full two minutes, brushing all sections of my teeth (bored out of my mind) but noticeably more relaxed physically and mentally. Yay for small victories!

unedited for 100 days. Day 8

There was a funny little ritual I had as a kid. I can't say that I know exactly when I started doing this, but I had to be tall enough to climb up onto the bathroom counter on my own. I would sit on the counter with my feet in the sink, soaking them in hot water until they were bright red in color. Once the water cooled, I would drain the water and fill it up again with a fresh batch. I could have sat there for an hour and probably did a few times. I remember wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my cheek against my knee, staring at my reflection in the mirror thinking nothing important. I remember being young enough, that I was able to look into the mirror without judgment. Quite the opposite actually. I remember studying my face and just being fascinated. Wondering what eye balls were made out of. Studying the hairs that made up my eyebrows and the gaps between my teeth. It was such an innocent and non judgmental experience. 30 something years later and I think it's time I go soak my feet in the sink and get reacquainted with the fascination of having a human face again.

unedited for 100 days. Day 7

If you are a Seattle local, you probably know about what they call the 'Seattle freeze'. It has nothing to do with the weather. In fact, Seattle's weather isn't that bad at all. It's relatively mild compared to what happens in other parts of our country. Take a look at the temp in Chicago right now. Someone was telling me today that they are advising dog owners to keep their pets inside because within minutes they could get frost bite on their paws. I don't know about your dog but mine would not know what the hell to do with a pee pad on the floor. I'm praying for it to warm up for the sweet doggies who need to go outside. Rather, the Seattle freeze is describing our reputation as non-hospitable, anti-social and hermit human beings who are difficult to get to know and slow to help others. I grew up here so I guess that explains my distaste for small talk. But nothing justifies being too busy to offer a helping hand.

The other day I was a human display of one hundred percent shit show in the parking lot- I had my baby in my arms, my dog on a leash, five grocery bags, a purse and a stroller that fell over- spilling out random baby items onto the ground. At least 5 people crept by, avoiding eye contact or any form of acknowledgment (frozen turds). I got myself together and decided I was going to help the next person I saw who looked like they needed an extra set of hands. A second later I saw an old man, taking the tiniest steps out of the store, looking confused and very unstable with his grocery bags in hand. I was about to make my move- but the guy who works at the grocery store beat me to it. Be on the good team. Let's uplevel Seattle. It's too pretty here to be an asshole.

unedited for 100 days. Day 6

There are a few cultural losses (well let's be real, way more than a few- but I only have 10 minutes) that I would like to bring back. All of these cute little things we used to do have been lost because of the cell phone.
The first one that comes to mind is the act of physically getting out of your car to knock on the door and let your friend know you are there to pick them up. Even better, bring an umbrella if it's raining. I'm actually calling myself out. Just last week I picked up a girlfriend to go out to dinner and I totally sat in my car like a lazy little nerd while I texted her that I had arrived. Next time I'm getting my ass out of the car like a proper human being.
Next, I'd like to bring back the art of standing in line. I see three viable options while in this situation; A) look around B) talk to someone nearby or C) daydream. Why oh why have we become so uncomfortable in these moments. The message we send to one another when we pull our cell phone out while standing in line is this: 'I have more important things to do with my time than be standing in this lame line with you'. I vow to keep my phone in my pocket while standing in line- unless it is to double check my grocery list, or check for emergency phone calls, or instagram notifications, or the weather.... ONLY kidding. No mobile phone in line. Done.
Lastly, I would like to bring back the actual real life birthday card, in the mail! Again, calling myself out. I've always been terrible at planning ahead when it comes to USPS. By the time I think to send the card, I realize it wont make it in time and instead justify my shortcomings with a long text and some very exciting emojis (heart, party hat, balloon, salsa dancer... kiss kiss kiss). If I spend some time writing down all the important birthdays in my planner, I might be able to pull this off. Friends be patient with me.
Anyone want to join me?

unedited for 100 days. Day 5

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. I do believe this. It's so easy to get caught up in the 'what should I do?' or 'what should I say' or 'when should I call'. I think we underestimate the power of just being in a room with someone. Sharing space. Sharing a moment.

I was traveling around in Costa Rica and I found myself renting a beach house in Pavones,  (actually it was more of a hut than a house but it was steps from the beach and had everything I needed). The family that owned the house would come around every day, with their two kids, to check on the property and make sure I was okay. Many days we would end up swapping stories over a beer enjoying the chance to get to know one another. One day I had received an email from my family back home that my grandfather was in the hospital and close to passing on. Of course it was difficult being so far away. Papa seemed in good health when I left a couple months back and I was expecting to pick up with our lunch dates as soon as I returned. With little else to do, I shared this news with my new friends and walked towards the beach to sit on my favorite rickety bench so that I could let the tears fall. The husband came and asked if he could sit down. I said yes wiping my tears, preparing for conversation. But he never said a word. He simply sat next to me so that I didn't feel alone. We must have sat there for an hour in complete silence. I remember the sun had set and I thanked him. He knew that it wasn't words of wisdom that I needed, but instead just someone to sit next to. I will always be grateful to him for teaching me the power of such a simple gesture. 

unedited for 100 days. Day 4

Gimme that routine baby. I'm all about that right now! There are so many unknowns in each 24 which is why I'm finding some peace, actually most of my peace, in the little things these days. Perhaps a few years back I might have jumped in my car and gone hiking after work, or gone on a spontaneous and very therapeutic 3 hour walk with my dog, or maybe just vegging out all Saturday with my favorite show... ahhh those were some peaceful ass days. While those luxurious days of complete freedom may be gone (for now), I have been looking for other ways to bring a sense of peace and calm to my life. Things like that first cup of coffee in the morning. I want to be able to just push that beautiful button as soon as I get out of bed and know that the water tank is full, the beans are ready and my favorite mug is clean and ready to contain the most important beverage of the day. Which is obviously Bulletproof Coffee. You've tried it right? Game changed. I've been on it since 2014 and I still swoon. But back to topic, I think it's easy to let everything landslide when we are in a season of chaos. We let laundry pile up, we lose things, we get personally offended at things like dirty coffee machines or empty gas tanks... like "of course the tank is empty on the one day I need the car!"  I think it's important that at minimum, you give each day a fighting chance with the basics. It may take extra time at night to prep but it's always worth it. At least you can sip on that trusty joe while life throws yet another curve ball your way. It may not be a serene hike in the mountains, but it's your favorite mug damn it.

unedited for 100 days. Day 3

This time last year I was 2 days past due. I remember thinking that it was possible I would just remain pregnant the rest of my life and that I would have to answer to the curious strangers on the street forever, telling them "Yep, still pregnant. just 41 years over due. Thanks, yeah we are really soaking up these last days of just the two of us." I also remember simply daydreaming about what it would feel like to hold my daughter. To look into her eyes and be like "hey there, I'm mom".  It's crazy how quickly something becomes normal. The moment she was placed on my chest, it was like 'Of course she's here. How could she not be? Hey baby, I'm mom!' I didn't know that this time last year I still had about 10 days to go. It's strange how I can barely remember anything else about what I was thinking and how I was feeling in those final days. I was scrolling pictures back to a year ago and landed on a picture of me sitting on the floor of her nursery- not doing anything, just sitting in the room that was about to be my daughters room. I stared at that picture for a while and tried my best to remember what it felt like to be that girl. The girl waiting to meet her baby. And if I could 'ghost of christmas future'  myself into that moment I would tell her "Jam, You are about to become a bad ass" and then I'd poof out of the room leaving her feeling very creeped out, but also with the the hope that whatever came her way, was going to make her better. That's how I feel now. My baby is almost a year and that makes me feel like a bad ass.

unedited for 100 days. Day 2

I do this funny thing and it's top of mind because lately I'm doing it more. It's kind of like this inside joke of mine, that literally makes me giggle out loud. It's actually not that funny, but I think what makes me laugh is that there is this moment in which I decide to do it. It's basically this, when I feel rushed by an external source-whether that source is a person or event of some kind, I detest the need to rush and decide that instead I'm going to move slower. Moving slow relaxes me and makes me feel in control. If I'm late, so be it. But you will not catch me running into the grocery store, fumbling my purse and baby like a hot mess because I'm late to an appointment. I think it's this twisted sense of pride I get for keeping my cool. I apologize to my friends, family and clients if my tardiness has ever given you the impression that I don't care, I do care about you a lot. I just care more to not get riled up physiologically over a couple minutes here and there. So that funny moment, when I am 5 minutes late to setting up the studio for yoga class and instead of picking up the pace from the parking lot to the front door, I slow it way down to my favored turtle pace- it's just me keeping that internal zen. Who wants a yoga instructor showing up to teach all sweaty and out of breath, huffing and puffing a bunch of cortisol into the room? Anyway, if you see me walking really slow, just know that I'm doing it completely on purpose and I'm probably late to get somewhere.

unedited for 100 days. Day 1

I was flossing tonight, which by the way I don't always do, because I have one of those permanent retainer bars on my lowers and it always seems like such a pain in the ass to get the threader out (if you have one, you know what I'm talking about), but anyways I was flossing slash reflecting on my day and thinking, I miss writing. I had a baby almost a year ago, and needless to say I have had other priorities. That's not an excuse, because I don't think I've even thought about writing in a while. But I love it. I love the way it feels to listen to the voice in my head and attempt at translating it onto paper, or a screen for this case. So, in that moment I decided that for one hundred days I would simply write for 10 minutes each day, and post it. I need to practice and I need to commit. There is a lot to be said for the accountability you get once something is published in cyber space. I expect that my posts will offer nothing more than my reflections day to day, which include but are not limited to; new mom life, wife life, yoga life, mid thirties life, family life, dog life, girlfriends life and probably some beverage life (girl likes her scotch- well really all alcohol I like.... I once heard a guy say on an episode of wife swap 'you can't trust someone that doesn't drink' and while I don't necessarily agree completely, that comment made me laugh). To get back to my point, I want to write. This is my attempt to get better at it. Wow, that was 10 minutes.  That's what it's going to be, completely random and unedited. I could go on and try to hook you, but I'll save that for tomorrow. ha.

Ps thanks for the support babe.